I handed over all my passwords right after DDay ... he chooses not to check up, but I know that he can if he wants. Which I think helps hold me accountable to always put my marriage first.

He finally handed over one of the passwords ... and is being better about being more upfront.

How do you let go of things that your spouse did to hurt you? We both cheated. We both messed things up. We both hurt one another. I fessed up as soon as I was found out and immediately turned my life around. He just admitted to his affair - 5 months later! And I would hardly call what he gave an apology! He did things to deliberately hurt me, and his apologies have been weak at best. I wake up some mornings wanting to just go back to sleep so I don't have to deal with the fact that I don't think my H loves me. I know he used to, and sometimes I think he still does. But most of the time I truly think he only stays married to me b/c of DD. I'm sick of being bitter about things that happened months ago! But I don't know how to let go! I've talked about it in IC, MC, and prayed about it. I just can't let some things go! I don't think I'm any better than him, or vice versa - so its not that I'm holding onto it to be one-up. And I don't want to feel this way, so I'm not holding on to not forgive. And I do want to be married to him, so I'm not holding on to get out. I just can't stop ... any suggestions??? (Please be gentle with me - I'm fragile! So calm suggestions will work best, no 2x4s please!)