[color:"purple"]MR. ROMANCE SAGA: How Mr. Lusty Affair morphed into MY MR. ROMANCE [/color]

[color:"blue"] CHAPTERS 1 - 7 [/color] [color:"green"]


After 32 years of a detached marriage, my husband had a 6 month EA involving phone fornication with his fantasy soulmate. He was caught just as they began discussing how/where they would meet after 'getting rid' of her H and me.

As we approach the infamous Devastation-Day anniversaries, I have hope that our marriage will not only survive, but will thrive and hopefully inspire at least one couple to keep striving so that your marriage will not only exist but truly come alive.

The following is embarassingly true. Specific details have been ommitted to possibly conceal our identities as suggested by our marriage counselors who said, "Tell only those who can help end the affair; informing others could impede your recovery for a variety of reasons."

After discovering SAA and HNHN, I told many friends/family members about this web site before I knew about these discussion forums. After nearly 700 posts, I realize I walk a fine line between trying to be discreet and lying by omission about what really happened to change our marriage for the positive.

My sig has the basic outline. These chapters will fill in some of the sordid details. Writing this has been therapeutic for me, but I hope it might also prove inspiring for you.

Thanks for reading and I welcome thoughts, suggestions and criticisms.


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BS me 53
FWH 56
Married 1974

EA 4/06 to 11/06 Same OW online, phone, mail, video including phone and online virtual sexual exchanges

[color:"red"] DD #1 Jun. 30 [/color] DD27 discovered emails, w/DS25 confronted H who confessed EA to me.<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />
[color:"red"] Forgave Jul. 1 [/color] I thought I was being a good Christian by forgiving him immediately. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />
[color:"red"] DD #2 Jul. 10 [/color] Found new secret emails. I knew nothing about WS fog and withdrawal. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />
[color:"red"] Began reading "Not 'Just Friends'" Jul. 10[/color] MC suggested it but also said DON'T expose to OPS. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />
[color:"red"] DD #3 Aug. 10 [/color] Found draft/delete acct. H says "we're 'just friends', we quit having phone sex." <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />
[color:"red"] Emailed NC Aug. 10 [/color]H wrote NC letter, we hit 'send' together but OW thought I wrote it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />
[color:"red"] I befriended OW [/color] Tried to make her promise to say "No" to WH, then tell me if/when he broke NC. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />
[color:"red"] Tested OW w/fake email [/color] She told me/him "no" but didn't tell me about the fake 'attempt'. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />
[color:"red"] Told WH about fake test [/color]To my dismay, his response surprised and disappointed me. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />
[color:"red"] Stopped contact w/OW Aug. 30[/color] Found out later that BS fog has withdrawal from OP, too. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />
[color:"red"] Found SAA and HNHN 10/06[/color] H & I continued reading MB books w/nightly Bible reading/prayer times. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />
[color:"red"] OW area code on caller ID 10/06[/color] Wondered if OWH knew about A and might be coming after WH. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />
[color:"red"] DD #4 Nov. 10 [/color]WH lied about online "just checking to see if I can resist OW" activities. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> [color:"red"]
Told WH to leave [/color] Decided to give up, cancel upcoming vacation, sell house and start over @ 53. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />
[color:"red"] WH picked up his piddly gym bag to leave [/color] Like before, he expected me to change my mind. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />
[color:"red"] WH fog began lifting [/color] I let him go but he turned at the door, begging for strike 5 and our vacation. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/teary.gif" alt="" />
[color:"red"] 10 Day vacation Nov. 10-20[/color] Together 24/7 w/ no LB's...saw hope that he might be changing. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />
[color:"red"] I re-contacted OW Nov. 30[/color] Wanted her to tell me if WH tried to reconnect. She would not at first. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />
[color:"red"] WH Handwritten NC Dec. 10 [/color]WH's idea to write it but my idea to include HNHN to help OW. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />
[color:"red"] Stopped MC Dec. 10 [/color] H said MB books helped us more than MC but I was wary <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />
[color:"red"] Discovered MB Forums during holidays - [/color] Registered to get MB help rebuilding trust 1/14. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
[color:"red"] TJ'd newbie thread 1/20[/color] Discovered need for delayed exposure to OPS for many reasons. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />
[color:"red"] Emailed MB staff seeking OPS exposure info Jan. 21[/color] Dr. Harley answered, suggested radio show. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />
[color:"red"] Called MB radio Jan. 31 [/color] Dr./Mrs. Harley said delayed OPS exposure is conditionally optional. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/ooo.gif" alt="" />
[color:"red"] Exposed Feb. 10 [/color] Called OPS and sent copies of OW's handwritten love notes but OPS did not reply. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />
[color:"red"] Final contact w/OW Feb. 18 [/color] OW clung to WH via my emails. She denies she lies; not my problem. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />
[color:"red"] H lied (job) Feb. 20[/color] I sought previous MC we intially avoided due to MC/H's 20+ year friendship. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />
[color:"red"] Passive/agressiveness[/color] During weekly MC, we learned this partially led to our detached marriage. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />
[color:"red"] Mar-Apr. 400 mile (4 wk) Separation [/color] MC/MB helped us survive long distance fears, triggers & LB's <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />
[color:"red"] My May 18 Milestone [/color] 3 months after my NC with OW, my BS fog <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> has now lifted sufficiently so I can link these 7 chapters together and hope it all inspires someone to keep going for that miracle like we appear to be receiving every moment of every day. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Healing & in recovery

"Remember the power of faith far outdistances the temporary pain of fear!" New/Old MC