MR. ROMANCE SAGA: How Mr. Lusty Affair morphed into MY MR. ROMANCE



After 32 years of a detached marriage, my husband had a 6 month EA involving phone fornication with his fantasy soulmate. He was caught just as they began discussing how/where they would meet after 'getting rid' of her H and me.

As we approach the infamous Devastation-Day anniversaries, I have hope that our marriage will not only survive, but will thrive and hopefully inspire at least one couple to keep striving so that your marriage will not only exist but truly come alive.

The following is embarassingly true. Specific details have been ommitted to possibly conceal our identities as suggested by our marriage counselors who said, "Tell only those who can help end the affair; informing others could impede your recovery for a variety of reasons."

After discovering SAA and HNHN, I told many friends/family members about this web site before I knew about these discussion forums. After nearly 700 posts, I realize I walk a fine line between trying to be discreet and lying by omission about what really happened to change our marriage for the positive.

My sig has the basic outline. These chapters will fill in some of the sordid details. Writing this has been therapeutic for me, but I hope it might also prove inspiring for you.

Thanks for reading and I welcome thoughts, suggestions and criticisms.


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BS me 53
FWH 56
Married 1974

EA 4/06 to 11/06 Same OW online, phone, mail, video including phone and online virtual sexual exchanges

DD #1 Jun. 30 DD27 discovered emails, w/DS25 confronted H who confessed EA to me.
Forgave Jul. 1 I thought I was being a good Christian by forgiving him immediately.
DD #2 Jul. 10 Found new secret emails. I knew nothing about WS fog and withdrawal.
Began reading "Not 'Just Friends'" Jul. 10 MC suggested it but also said DON'T expose to OPS.
DD #3 Aug. 10 Found draft/delete acct. H says "we're 'just friends', we quit having phone sex."
Emailed NC Aug. 10 H wrote NC letter, we hit 'send' together but OW thought I wrote it.
I befriended OW Tried to make her promise to say "No" to WH, then tell me if/when he broke NC.
Tested OW w/fake email She told me/him "no" but didn't tell me about the fake 'attempt'.
Told WH about fake test To my dismay, his response surprised and disappointed me.
Stopped contact w/OW Aug. 30 Found out later that BS fog has withdrawal from OP, too.
Found SAA and HNHN 10/06 H & I continued reading MB books w/nightly Bible reading/prayer times.
OW area code on caller ID 10/06 Wondered if OWH knew about A and might be coming after WH.
DD #4 Nov. 10 WH lied about online "just checking to see if I can resist OW" activities.
Told WH to leave
Decided to give up, cancel upcoming vacation, sell house and start over @ 53.
WH picked up his piddly gym bag to leave Like before, he expected me to change my mind.
WH fog began lifting I let him go but he turned at the door, begging for strike 5 and our vacation.
10 Day vacation Nov. 10-20 Together 24/7 w/ no LB's...saw hope that he might be changing.
I re-contacted OW Nov. 30 Wanted her to tell me if WH tried to reconnect. She would not at first.
WH Handwritten NC Dec. 10 WH's idea to write it but my idea to include HNHN to help OW.
Stopped MC Dec. 10 H said MB books helped us more than MC but I was wary
Discovered MB Forums during holidays - Registered to get MB help rebuilding trust 1/14.
TJ'd newbie thread 1/20 Discovered need for delayed exposure to OPS for many reasons.
Emailed MB staff seeking OPS exposure info Jan. 21 Dr. Harley answered, suggested radio show.
Called MB radio Jan. 31 Dr./Mrs. Harley said delayed OPS exposure is conditionally optional.
Exposed Feb. 10 Called OPS and sent copies of OW's handwritten love notes but OPS did not reply.
Final contact w/OW Feb. 18 OW clung to WH via my emails. She denies she lies; not my problem.
H lied (job) Feb. 20 I sought previous MC we intially avoided due to MC/H's 20+ year friendship.
Passive/agressiveness During weekly MC, we learned this partially led to our detached marriage.
Mar-Apr. 400 mile (4 wk) Separation MC/MB helped us survive long distance fears, triggers & LB's
My May 18 Milestone 3 months after my NC with OW, my BS fog has now lifted sufficiently so I can link these 7 chapters together and hope it all inspires someone to keep going for that miracle like we appear to be receiving every moment of every day.

Healing & in recovery

"Remember the power of faith far outdistances the temporary pain of fear!" New/Old MC