emk - my husband and I are having similar problems so I will tell you what I need from my husband to improve our sex life. I need him to not get mad at me when I don't feel like sex and accuse me of not loving him. Everytime he gets mad at me for not having sex with him, the next time he wants sex, I automatically tense up and brace for him to be mean to me and am the opposite of "in the mood". Sex is now something that I associate negativity with - NOT good.

I need foreplay! This takes a LOOONG time and real effort - espicially due to the above problem. My husband expects me to be instantly turned on and ready to go in a second, like he is. My body, and most other women's bodies, don't work like that. We need to be talked to, touched, massaged, carressed, then more sexual touches and eventually leading to sex. My husband tries for two minutes and when he doesn't get the response he wants (me out of my mind with horniness) he gets mad and stops, totally ruining any mood he may have built. He then claims that I don't love him since he doesn't turn me on.

I like thirddivorce's response. I hope my perspective has been helpful.