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Yep, there sure is, and it appeared when I wasn't expecting it to, that's for sure - although everybody said it would.

A friend of mine (who won't visit MB despite my suggestion to) just had a divorce finalized yesterday - her WH filed, she fought to keep the marriage alive (but would not use MB principles)... and now she's devastated. I'm doing my best to be supportive of her - her family isn't terribly helpful.

Regardless, her pain is very real, and I'm very sympathetic to her - plan D sucks, particularly if it's not what one wanted at all. Been there, done that.

I've told her that I'm here for her and that she WILL get through this. Hurts to know my friend is in pain, but without sharing too much about my own good situation right now I'm trying to impart to her that life WILL get better. I think yesterday was one of the worst days of her life <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

My heart breaks for my friend - there's not much I can do to comfort her, except listen and be there for her. It's a lonely journey, Plan D - but she's strong and I think in time she'll be fine too.

JinGA


F/40, DD15 DS13 M 1989 DDay his EA May 1998. S Aug 2004. D Dec 05. I filed. 4/07 Post-D Plan A with 180, with hopes of R. 6/23/07 XH said no to R. 8/24/07 Went on a date with someone new, "B". 1/22/08 Still seeing B, life is good! Learning and growing each day. Ask me about Geocaching!
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Jin,

Yes, it is tough when you find something that works for you and others refuse to seek solutions that might help them, too.

Did she say why she won't check out MB? Possibly she has an aversion to "like situations". In other words, maybe her "misery loathes (instead of 'loves') company." That would be too bad but it is her choice.

Keep shining that light. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Ace


FWH/BW (me)57+ M:36+ yr.
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Yeah I've told her repeatedly about this place and the help I've received in my *personal* recovery. She didn't want a divorce (who really does?)... she has joined many prayer groups and such, and that's not a bad thing, but I urged her to work on *herself*, and I'm not hearing that she's ready to do that yet.

Her WH left her to live with needy family members and he works with OW - it's a real mess. They have a learning-disabled adult son (who lives with her), and they share a house with other extended family. It's a very complicated situation. My friend is very dependent (co-dependent) and I really feel for her because she does feel that her life is over. I can relate to a point, but I'm more independent than she, so there are some things I can't relate to - but I do my best to offer comfort and support. That's what she needs, not judgments - but at the same time I'm trying to give her a loving push to live for herself, rather than for what her now WXH does. I guess until she's ready to do that, she's going to be stuck, and it's hard to see that happen to a friend. I've been there - sort of, not to the extent that she is.

I pray for her too, that she learns to focus on herself and her son, and let her WXH crash and burn - they always do. Her WXH has been loaded with mixed signals too - when he's in a jam he calls on her and she fixes things - so of course he's been big-time cake-eating and she's OK with it. Can't help her there - I've suggested lovingly that she let him see what life is like without her to fix his messes, but she won't. She feels that she'd rather have crumbs than nothing. IMO she's worth so much more than that, but until *she* decides this for herself... well you know how it is, right?

I haven't told her much about what's going on with me right now - it would just hurt more for me to be insensitive to her pain while reveling in my new found relationship. I wouldn't rub salt in anybody's wounds. Best thing I can do is be a friend, keep trying to point her in the right direction, and be a safe place for her to share her feelings. I've been blessed with an awesome support system during my roller coaster ride - least I can do is pay it forward, right?

I'll say this - revisiting my own pain by hearing of hers, keeps me grounded, keeps me real, and reminds me to appreciate the good stuff that much more. If there's something to be gained from another's pain, I think that's it. Wasn't so long ago I was agonizing too - circumstances were vastly different but I think the pain is very much the same.

JinGA


F/40, DD15 DS13 M 1989 DDay his EA May 1998. S Aug 2004. D Dec 05. I filed. 4/07 Post-D Plan A with 180, with hopes of R. 6/23/07 XH said no to R. 8/24/07 Went on a date with someone new, "B". 1/22/08 Still seeing B, life is good! Learning and growing each day. Ask me about Geocaching!
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Well last night we went to my usual restaurant haunt for dinner, the kids, B and me. 2 minutes after we sat down, my friends and their daughter came in. My DD and their DD are best friends and her daughter calls me Mom and my daughter calls her Mom (they're practically twins - 11 days' difference in age!). We sat at 2 tables but played musical chairs - the girls sat with B and me, DS went to sit with my friend's H, and my friend went back and forth from both tables. Good thing they know me and like me there or the wait staff would have had fits!

B hit it off well with my friends (he'd met my friend before, met her DD last week at a football game), and met my friend's H for the first time. We had a good time and an early evening.

This morning B came to get me to take me to the auto shop where I'd had my vehicle in for some work - and he's off today so he came by the shop and helped me with a few things - totally unsolicited, but most welcome <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I've got 2 hours left to go at work, then I'm outta here for the weekend - business trip I get to take once a year - it's the closest thing to a vacation that I get... 6:00 can't come fast enough!

Hope everybody has a great weekend!

JinGA

Last edited by JinGA; 09/07/07 03:01 PM.

F/40, DD15 DS13 M 1989 DDay his EA May 1998. S Aug 2004. D Dec 05. I filed. 4/07 Post-D Plan A with 180, with hopes of R. 6/23/07 XH said no to R. 8/24/07 Went on a date with someone new, "B". 1/22/08 Still seeing B, life is good! Learning and growing each day. Ask me about Geocaching!
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JinGa

Are you back? How was the weekend?

Ace

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I'm back - got back late yesterday. Great weekend - as usual, too short!

Back to reality today....... ugh! At least the place is still standing after my absence - there was a bit of an administrative mess to clean up but I should have it in hand today.

I need another week off! LOL - only this time with no "business" attached to it. I did have a productive weekend, I just wish I had some more time to relax. I tend to make the most of my short time off, and overdo it! Catch-22!

JinGA


F/40, DD15 DS13 M 1989 DDay his EA May 1998. S Aug 2004. D Dec 05. I filed. 4/07 Post-D Plan A with 180, with hopes of R. 6/23/07 XH said no to R. 8/24/07 Went on a date with someone new, "B". 1/22/08 Still seeing B, life is good! Learning and growing each day. Ask me about Geocaching!
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Hi JinGA,

Can ya sell the store? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Ace

PS Glad you're back....missed ya.


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Hi JinGA,

Can ya sell the store? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Ace

PS Glad you're back....missed ya.

Wanna buy it?

It's for sale. It's not listed (yet) - having trouble finding a broker who wants to sell it for what it's worth, not less than the sum of the parts... but yeah, once I sell the store I can really get a life <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

JinGA


F/40, DD15 DS13 M 1989 DDay his EA May 1998. S Aug 2004. D Dec 05. I filed. 4/07 Post-D Plan A with 180, with hopes of R. 6/23/07 XH said no to R. 8/24/07 Went on a date with someone new, "B". 1/22/08 Still seeing B, life is good! Learning and growing each day. Ask me about Geocaching!
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I should update too, I guess <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> B and I are spending a fair amount of time together, sometimes in the evening he drops by the shop for a little while. Last night we and the kids went to dinner again, and he came over for a while to watch TV with me. He loves to snuggle - and so do I. We've spent countless hours talking about stuff - and while some of it is serious stuff, I've never laughed so hard, and so often in my life. We have a very similar sense of humour, and once we find something funny, we laugh and laugh - I've had my cheeks hurting, stomach hurting and tears streaming down my face and so has he. I can't tell you when that happened last.

We've done more geocaching and all kinds of outdoors stuff. I've made more recreational time for myself and for us lately than I had in a long time - it's good incentive to manage my work time better so my free time is just that. And B's work schedule jives with mine - that's not easy to do when I'm in retail - I was a bit afraid that my work schedule would be somewhat intimidating to anyone I'd date, but thusfar that's working out just fine too. He does not interfere with my work, but he's fascinated by it and he asks me a lot of questions about what I do, and if he's around the shop while I'm helping someone troubleshoot, he takes it all in, and even asks questions that help shed light on the whys and wherefores.

I was a bit nervous that my nerdy line of work might be boring to him - but it's quite the opposite. Not everybody would be interested in what I do, unless they participated in the hobby that is my livelihood - but B says he's always interested in learning new things, and I can tell by the questions he asks and the interest that he shows, that he's genuinely interested, not just going through the motions or making conversation for the sake of doing so. That's very intoxicating, and after hearing me interact with others in my field, and with clients, he's expressed to me that he feels that I'm quite well versed in what I do (and honestly - I am! It's nice to hear that from somebody else though!).

Again - we're still moving one day at a time - neither of us wants to push the other, which is very nice, and thusfar we seem to be moving at an equal pace.

Little things that are important to me, are important to him too. He's all about details, and so am I, and we've both expressed this - appreciation for little things that we do for each other.

And I'm not forgetting about my other friends either. B has met several of them - I haven't met his "people" yet - haven't had a chance to yet but he's been around when other friends of mine have come in to the shop to visit and such.

This Friday I'm going to girls' Bunco night out. Next weekend he's going to a geocaching camp-out in a neighbouring state - I can't get away for that but I would if I could.. but XH is taking our kids camping so I'll have to mind the shop. That's OK - it's important for us to continue to do our own things too, and it will give us more things to talk about.

There's a couple of other geocaching events on the horizon that are closer to home, and I'm going to attend them if I can get away from work for a few hours when they happen, and B and I will attend them together. We've also talked about other recreational things we'd like to do, if/when we can get the time. All in good time.

For the first time in a long time I'm feeling very peaceful and content with how things are. Not needy, not desperate, just content with today. Not fretting about tomorrow, not worried about "what if"... just being happy within myself and where I am now, and very grateful that there's somebody who seems to really enjoy the here and now along side me.

JinGA


F/40, DD15 DS13 M 1989 DDay his EA May 1998. S Aug 2004. D Dec 05. I filed. 4/07 Post-D Plan A with 180, with hopes of R. 6/23/07 XH said no to R. 8/24/07 Went on a date with someone new, "B". 1/22/08 Still seeing B, life is good! Learning and growing each day. Ask me about Geocaching!
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For the first time in a long time I'm feeling very peaceful and content with how things are. Not needy, not desperate, just content with today. Not fretting about tomorrow, not worried about "what if"... just being happy within myself and where I am now, and very grateful that there's somebody who seems to really enjoy the here and now along side me.


YOU GO, GIRL!

Ace


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LOL! I am going!

It's Bunco night with the girls!!!

JinGA


F/40, DD15 DS13 M 1989 DDay his EA May 1998. S Aug 2004. D Dec 05. I filed. 4/07 Post-D Plan A with 180, with hopes of R. 6/23/07 XH said no to R. 8/24/07 Went on a date with someone new, "B". 1/22/08 Still seeing B, life is good! Learning and growing each day. Ask me about Geocaching!
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Hey JinGA,

How was Bunco? Is that a game we could play at our Virtual MB Picnic we're organizing on the 50-Something Thread? Actually it expanded to 30-40-50-60 Something for the weekend at least.....maybe beyond.

Check it out!

Any plans with B during the weekend when he gets back?

Ace


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Bunco is a dice game - not sure if it can be played virtually but I'd bet there's probably something on yahoo games or whatnot. I had a blast. Didn't win any prizes but I did well. It's a progressive game so every round you change tables and change partners so it's a great way to socialize and catch up with old friends and meet new ones. There were 16 of us playing last night if you count the "dummy"! We were short one player so the "dummy" traveled with one of us for each round LOL! (I'm with Dummy, Dummy is with me!)

I actually got to leave work a bit early today - 2 1/2 hours. XH has been out sick all week and didn't do any drive-by visits after Tuesday evening. He's still feeling a bit punk but it's slow today and I came home. I'm only a half mile away so if it gets busy I can come back if needed.

I had originally wanted to go to a geocache event this morning with B if I could have managed the time off but with XH sick - he didn't answer my email about the time off and he thought it was another day - no biggie, so instead he was OK with letting me duck out a bit early (funny how POJA can apply to any relationship!)

I also had a chance today to speak with XH about some other matters concerning the store and our financial arrangements and all is good on that front (whew!)...

B will likely call me when he's done the geocaching event today and we'll probably do something tonight. My fave restaurant has live music tonight (I think) so that's a possibility... or just a quiet evening with a movie perhaps. My kids are off school for the next week (bizarre school calendar) and XH is taking them camping next weekend, and DS said he might want to go to his father's tomorrow - so I'm just playing it all by ear. It's nice to 'plan' but it's also nice to just take things as they come too.

JinGA


F/40, DD15 DS13 M 1989 DDay his EA May 1998. S Aug 2004. D Dec 05. I filed. 4/07 Post-D Plan A with 180, with hopes of R. 6/23/07 XH said no to R. 8/24/07 Went on a date with someone new, "B". 1/22/08 Still seeing B, life is good! Learning and growing each day. Ask me about Geocaching!
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Bunco is a dice game - not sure if it can be played virtually but I'd bet there's probably something on yahoo games or whatnot.


It's a virtual picnic....like 'just pretend'. So we could not actually 'play' bunco....but it would be an idea that could be shared, that's all. I'm fishing for posters so Mark doesn't think I'm a slacking host on the 50 Something thread......except I expanded it to 30-40-50-60 Something so older/younger folks don't feel excluded. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Check it out on the Recovery forum if you have some time.

Glad you had a good time and you'll spend time with B tonight.

Ace


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Is it *onday already?

I was able to leave work a bit early Saturday. B and the kids and I went to the Mexican restaurant that I trade with for dinner - they had live music. The restaurant used to have a good band there occasionally - but this time it was another band, and they were so excruciating we left before the end of the first set! No worries - dinner was good and we spent a quiet evening at home watching TV.

Originally I'd hoped to have the morning off on Saturday to attend a geocaching event with B, but XH was out sick all week and never confirmed if I could take the time - so I just went in. He felt badly that he'd misunderstood the date/time - no biggie.

I worked my usual shift on Sunday and DS went to XH's after work, DD was out with her BF and his family to Six Flags. Sunday morning I bought groceries and initially I'd planned for dinner for all of us at home - but since the kids went their separate ways, I fixed dinner for B and me. We had a good dinner and relaxed at my place for a while, before he went home for the night.

Today is my "off" day at work which means the shop is closed, so I went in to check on things and place a couple of orders like I usually do, went to the bank etc. and came home. I seem to have caught the crud that XH has had all last week and DD is coming down with too. Glad to have a slow day here, having a cup of hot tea and just relaxing for a while trying to fight off the pounding in my sinuses... I hate sick!

B is at work of course - he had one job this morning and possibly another this aft - he said he'd give me a call later, and perhaps early this evening we'd go and get a few geocaches that we opted not to do yesterday. We'll see - we both like playing things by ear sometimes - if we're up to it we will - if not - there's always another day.

I need to take DD over to the dry cleaner with her homecoming gown (my friend got it for her at Goodwill) to have it cleaned and fitted for alterations. That's next on the agenda then I'm going to put my feet up for a while - I've been busy the last couple of weeks!

Things are going well - B and I continue to get to know each other - I'm glad that he enjoys conversation - sometimes it's just silliness, sometimes it's quite serious as we get to know each other better - but it's always animated and fun.

Have I mentioned that life is good?

JinGA


F/40, DD15 DS13 M 1989 DDay his EA May 1998. S Aug 2004. D Dec 05. I filed. 4/07 Post-D Plan A with 180, with hopes of R. 6/23/07 XH said no to R. 8/24/07 Went on a date with someone new, "B". 1/22/08 Still seeing B, life is good! Learning and growing each day. Ask me about Geocaching!
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Just an update...

Monday (or as I call it, *onday) I was feeling kind of sick... got the cold that has been going around - the one that knocked XH down for 3 days and slowed DD down for a day or so. Took DD to the seamstress to have her gown fitted, so that's in the works. I lounged for the rest of the day and got an early night. I felt like crap.

Tuesday, yesterday, B's job got postponed so he accompanied me to the airport to pick up a shipment, and we found a few geocaches on the way down, and the way back. He helped me put up the new arrivals - he's a quick study <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> I was a bit afraid that my nerdy work would be boring to him but he's genuinely interested and his quick learning shows me this. He went home for a while and after work he came over to the house and I fixed him dinner. The kids are with XH as he got tickets to a baseball game. DS was already at XH's place since Sunday, he picked up DD after work and kept them both overnight.

I am nearly over the cold and feeling more like myself again - I was dragging a bit yesterday but I don't have the luxury of paid time off for sick leave - and my customers wouldn't appreciate my not being open during business hours so I kind of slugged through the day.

I'm up early this morning - going to putter around the house a bit and have another cup of tea with honey (what is it about honey that fixes a cold?)... then head to work - it's my first long day of the week - 10 til 8. B anticipates his work today will be brief so he said he may stop by later to "help". He's always offering to do things around the shop. I appreciate that very much - but at the same time I don't want to 'take advantage' - but I have to say it's nice to pass some time with someone during the long day. The nature of my business is funny - customers are like bananas - they come in bunches. I might go hours without a client, then 4 of them walk in at once, all with questions and wanting things. It's a pretty relaxed atmosphere, so I serve them in 'order of appearance' unless somebody's in a hurry - it's never too stressful, most folks are pretty easygoing.

If B is in the store, he doesn't interfere with my work but he does listen intently as I answer people's technical questions - if he has questions of his own, he will ask them if he feels that the responses may be helpful to the client - or he'll wait til later if he feels that his questions are "too elementary". It's nice that he's interested in what I do.

We talk about his work too, I ask questions and such, and he's always interested in answering.

Last night he brought his laptop over, and he showed me photos of some of his kayaking trips and camping trips. At one point he told me to let him know when I got bored LOL - I wasn't. I looked at all the pictures and asked questions. He's quite a good photographer, and the pictures were really nice to look at. He lights up when he talks about places he's been paddling and camping - and looking at the photos, he's been to some fascinating places - none are too far from here. Hopefully one day I'll get to go camping with him too <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> I haven't been camping in a long time, but it was something that I've loved since I was a kid. Nowadays it's just getting the time away from the shop...

So that's the latest! Things are going very well, and I'm just enjoying each day as it comes.

JinGA


F/40, DD15 DS13 M 1989 DDay his EA May 1998. S Aug 2004. D Dec 05. I filed. 4/07 Post-D Plan A with 180, with hopes of R. 6/23/07 XH said no to R. 8/24/07 Went on a date with someone new, "B". 1/22/08 Still seeing B, life is good! Learning and growing each day. Ask me about Geocaching!
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Jin,

So glad you're enjoying your time with the new person. It's exciting, isn't it?

I met a lady here in DC through eHarmony and we've hit it off very well. We're taking things slowly as well and have gone out several times already. Our first date was supposed to be a quick coffee and ended up being 5 hours of chatting. We went out again and had a great time at an Irish bar singing songs. We went to a play as well the next day and had a good time there as well.

I took her home and sat on her balcony talking for hours. It was great. I drove home but wanted to stay and keep talking. That darn *onday and work kept us from continuing to chat.

We're going to the AF-Navy game at the end of the month and seeing each other again on Thursday. I really, really like her.

It's nice to be appreciated and liked, isn't it?


D-Day 28 Feb 06
Plan D (Not by choice) - 24 March 06

DD6
DS4(Twin1)
DS4(Twin2)

She moved away with the kids April 08. I contested it and got a lot more time with my kids. She's unhappy that I want to stay involved in their lives and don't settle for being an "every other weekend" dad.

Never going to happen.

Ongoing personal recovery through the help of friends, family, and DC United Soccer!
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Yep it sure is. For me it's nice to meet someone who likes to talk as much as I do! My last gentleman companion was very quiet and shy - he opened up one-on-one but in a group he was pretty quiet - painfully quiet. B fits in wherever he is - just like I do, and that's nice - and we can always find something to talk about.

Your first date sounds somewhat like mine - dinner out, turned into we were the last ones out of the restaurant and ended up talking for 2 more hours in the parking lot! It's fun getting to know somebody.

This Friday is a home game for my DD's HS and we're going. We went to the last one too. I need to work the concession stand to work off DD's scholarship - last game I arrived too late (late customer at the shop) but B said he'd like to help out too - that's nice.

I think slowly is the key - I rushed into things way too fast last time around, and was in over my head before I knew it, and I knew it was going to be a train wreck and I felt helpless to stop it (I wasn't - but I chose to ignore red flags... my bad!) This time I'm lucky in that B lives nearby - not on my doorstep but not across the city either (or out of state etc.) so nobody's in a hurry. We can go places and do things and it's not a long drive home for either of us.

Being able to "talk" at the same level is important - both quality-wise, as well as quantity-wise. Being intellectually compatible is important - but one person talking and the other always listening gets old too - for both parties. I'm lucky that B and I seem to take equal turns <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> And I'm not being razzed for my 'gift of gab' - something XH always bugged me about. Hey - I like to talk, what can I say? I'd like to think that much of what I have to say has substance, not just babble (although I've been known to ramble on when nervous!).

BD - I'm glad you're moving on too. You've been through plenty yourself, and IMO you deserve some "me time" with someone who appreciates you. Does wonders for the self-esteem. Speaking for myself, more people have complimented me lately - yeah I've lost weight, but many have just said I *look* better - more content, peaceful, not as harried or stressed. It's true - I am those things these days. Nice to see people notice <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Pretty soon my head won't fit through the door!

JinGA


F/40, DD15 DS13 M 1989 DDay his EA May 1998. S Aug 2004. D Dec 05. I filed. 4/07 Post-D Plan A with 180, with hopes of R. 6/23/07 XH said no to R. 8/24/07 Went on a date with someone new, "B". 1/22/08 Still seeing B, life is good! Learning and growing each day. Ask me about Geocaching!
Joined: Jan 2007
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Yeaaaaa! So fun to read about your progress. I'd like to link your story on the Success Story thread. It there one post/thread that tells most of it?

Thanks,
Ace


FWH/BW (me)57+ M:36+ yr.
4 D-Days: Jun-Nov 06 E/PA~OW#2 (OW#1 2000)
Joined: Mar 2007
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I have a problem with gabbing when nervous. It gets much better when I feel more at ease with someone.

She is my intellectual equal, with enough of a difference to throw in some spice. She's also financially independent, never married and no kids. I'm the one nervous since I'm the one with the baggage. She seems really cool about it, though.

I was worried i over played my hand on Sunday and let the conversation get a little heavy, but she wants to get together tonight and Thursday since we won't see each other when I have my kids. We're also going to go to a football game together, so things are looking good.

She also texts me a bunch, which is cool too.

Fires do seem to last longer when they start with a slow burn. I was in over my head in the past as well, but this looks like a thing of the past and I'm much much smarter about how I interact with a woman now.

I posted some more details about my time with an IC on my own thread if you care to read it. I also decided I don't need to hide my name. My ex reads my posts, but they're shifting from getting over the pain she's put me through to really moving forward with my life and exploring new relationships and getting in great shape. She can read all about that if she wishes. I'm not going to hide anymore since it obviously hasn't worked with my 3rd name change!

Heck, I may even go back to Papaof3. Gotta admit that kingleonidas was a cool handle, though.

Hope he stays "normal" and doesn't grow a second head on you. I hate it when that happens!

It's great that you share a common interest too. That's a great thing to have.


D-Day 28 Feb 06
Plan D (Not by choice) - 24 March 06

DD6
DS4(Twin1)
DS4(Twin2)

She moved away with the kids April 08. I contested it and got a lot more time with my kids. She's unhappy that I want to stay involved in their lives and don't settle for being an "every other weekend" dad.

Never going to happen.

Ongoing personal recovery through the help of friends, family, and DC United Soccer!
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