Sorry Ace, I saw this post and forgot to reply to it... duh...

I've had about 3 threads... starting in about April, when XH's GF dropped the initial bomb that she was leaving and I started to revisit the idea of reconciliation...

That thread is here: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...&PHPSESSID=

Then I started a new one after about a month or so:

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...&PHPSESSID=

I'd made sort of a bold move at that point... but it fell on deaf ears.

Then around a month after that, I had a talk with XH about the state of things, and started another thread based on that discussion... that one has most of the meaty stuff in it.

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...&PHPSESSID=

That was where I left off with XH and where I've been at until B asked me out on a date. Then the world turned upside down on me - in a good way.

During all that time I've prayed - prayed for guidance. I've prayed for what I thought I wanted - to reconcile with XH but I also asked God to show me what *HE* wants of me.

I think I've decided that God is hearing and answering my prayers - just that the answers may not be what I thought I wanted... but He has a plan. I'm still just taking things one day at a time.

I still do have intense feelings for XH - I think I always will. However, one person alone can't make it work. I can look myself in the mirror and honestly say I did everything in my power to try to put things back together - in the end, XH did not want that so I have to be OK with that. I'm glad that we are still friends, and I think we always will be. Having gone through the last few months, trying this and that to just see if there was anything left between us beyond friendship, at least I *can* move forward without any lingering doubt about "what if?". I tried, I was clear - there was no miscommunication and I was perfectly clear. He chose no, and I'm OK with that.

I think if I had not given it that one more try, I would always be wondering *what if?* So while the exercise may have appeared futile, it wasn't. It was liberating.

Now I really do feel free to move on.

JinGA