Okay, I will start by saying that I am understanding more, everyday...

I was looking at other girls right after marriage. Then W had first child and went to work, and I stayed home to take care. I just got first computer-in 2002, and found porn. Through my emotional distance that I was creating, I looked. At make no mistake- I LOOKED A LOT! I spent hours on there, even the first day. I made a fantasy of escaping my problems that I was too ashamed to deal with. I looked at ALL kinds of stuff. Then did it the next day, and so on. It was obvious when I stopped having sex with W. Then she got curious and found the history on the computer. Oh, man! I did not want to own up to that! I was in extreme denial and guilt.

Then I gave her reasons to believe it would never happen again. It did almost immediately! Then I got caught. lied. Cycle repeated for 6 years. The only reason I have stopped is because she told me it was over. Hence me saying- loss of "power" I thought I had.

I was being sexist, degrading, and emotionally unavailable. I am getting over all that and realizing the pain I created. Now I am in a place of understanding, healing, and making real decisions on who I am, and what is unacceptable.

I have much more to say. But I am multitasking...

sites I am looking at:








AND MUCH MORE! I looked at the infidelity part of Q&A on here, and one of the things I realize is that I need to give time and possible space for her feelings of resentment to be replaced with positives that I am showing!

Engaged-1 yr.
Married-6 yrs.
Kids-4 and 6
W-3 yrs older
Young couple headed for 30.