Well, do you not think the kids were included in this decision?
Does it surprise you to know they were elated?
Last year I went to a friend's home for Christmas dinner as the kids were with their father. Ironically, my friend's XH was there too, and her own father. We had a great time, and this has been customary for her XH to come over for Thanksgiving, Christmas and the kids' birthdays (there are 3 children).
My feelings about it all don't matter - I missed the kids of course, but I was pleased to have had Christmas morning with them. They enjoyed dinner with their father and his GF's kids (GF was away on a family emergency out of state), but both told me they missed having the dinner with me too.
So - this year, as in other years, even when XH and I were separated, we'll break bread under one roof.
Honestly the way y'all are going on about it you'd think I was moving XH into the guest bedroom to live with the kids and me.
How is it a "mess" if everyone is on good terms? Yeah it would be a mess if people didn't like each other or there was tension or grief between any of the parties. There isn't. Everybody has their place (call it a boundary). XH is their father. I am their mother. My BF is their friend, and they like him and respect him. Nobody's trying to assume anybody else's role, there's no competitiveness or jealousy - it is what it is and we're all secure in where we stand with one another.
The kids understand too.
I suppose if they were young kids, this type of conversation would hold a lot more water. My kids are teenagers, not young children who absolutely *could* and probably *would* be confused. And if the kids were small, I'd probably do things much differently. Their ages and maturity levels have much to do with how the dynamic works, IMO.
Again - you don't have to agree - I just think it's easy to sit and shoot down another person, but I have yet to see either of you put forth something tangible about what you would consider "better". And regarding your statement about "If I was the child"... well you aren't. And given what I've seen in your responses on this thread, your personality and those of my kids are nothing alike. Perhaps that's why they're pleased with the notion and you aren't.