Originally Posted by BetterDaysAhead
Thanks, CW for being so honest. It does give me comfort to hear things like this from you. That helps a bunch. I guess that's the difference between me and your FH. I do realize my part in this. I want to fix me. As I have said before, even if it's not with her my next W will get a better husband than she had.

Well to be fair, he was willing to try to fix things too. It's just it was a little too late for me. I'd had serious talks with him about being unhappy, that I felt we were roommates,
I was very specific with him about what I was looking for. I was not one of the WW who never said there was a problem.

Yet when you tell your spouse "I will leave you or have an affair if you don't start working on our marriage" and your spouse says "I don't have time to work on our marriage" That kinda lets you know where you stand on the list of priorities. frown That still hurts when I repeat it.

He wouldn't do counseling, work MB, or any other marital program until I said I wanted a divorce.

I wasn't really planning on having an affair when I said it nor did I go looking for one in revenge.

It's funny. I'd say the divorce turned him into a better dad than he was but he still does the same things to his new wife he did to me. So, he still hasn't worked on himself. His new wife (who I've known for probably 20 years) is one who will never insist on having her needs met. When she was married before- her husband was very very selfish and she never stood up to him. She was the perfect one to marry my FH!

It's good that you are working on yourself. My current husband was the BS in his marriage. He went to counseling by himself and worked on his issues to be a better spouse. Boy, I've been reaping the benefits of that! So you're right. If she doesn't appreciate it the next person in your life will!