It has been 6 months since d-day and about the same since the NC letter was sent. I see that I should have exposed to OWH at the beginning, but is it too late to do that without jeopardizing the NC?
Here's the letter:
8 August 2008
It has taken me several months to decide to write this letter. I have been hesitant to cause more pain. However, the choices to create this pain were already made by F-WH and OW. I am merely the messenger…
F-WH did a lot of thinking and came to me in February, without prompting, to declare that he has been denying an affair that he and OW have been having for the past 3+ years. It started when they were at (workplace) and there were several occasions when they met after they "ended it" over the phone in the spring after they were caught in a lie about attending a banquet together. They had sex several times at the hospital and as you know, talked and met together MANY other times. Among these meetings, OW stayed with him for several days once in Las Vegas (while she at a conference) and for several days once in Los Angeles (when she drove home from somewhere in the south and stopped in Los Angeles "to visit her grandma"). Both trips included multiple sexual encounters.
He says that he saw OW last when he went to Portland just after Thanksgiving 2007. It was a Saturday night and they met for coffee. He says that he hasn't talked with OW since then and has made adjustments to e-mail to block her. Apparently he missed one and OW recently wrote him a note threatening to expose the affair to me. Whether or not that note is true, I don't know.
I have written to OW via email and told her that I know. I suggested that OW tell you and try to work on her own marriage. She forwarded the emails to F-WH without comment. He did not respond.
F-WH also wrote her a letter telling her that the affair is over, that he is committed to our marriage, and that she should respect his wishes and never communicate with him again. We sent it together by regular mail to your house in the beginning of March. As far as I know, there has been NO CONTACT since then.
F-WH agrees that I send this letter to you. I hope that letting you know may safeguard both of our marriages from a continued affair (should either of them attempt to continue it). These are extraordinary precautions that our marriage counselor has advised us to put in place.
I wish that I did not know what I know, but I have faith that it will help me to recover and move forward. I hope that it can do the same for you. I know that if it were reversed, I would want to know.
PS. If you suspect that this affair has continued or have any other need to speak with me, please do so via email. My address is .... Hopefully, this is the last time that I ever need to talk with you about our spouses and their affair. God bless.