Thanks for responding...I am glad you were able to find it in your heart to do what you have done. I know that I can't do it right now and will not be able to anytime in the near future. It just hits to close to home for me for the following reasons...

1. My children will be 4 and 1 this month
2. OC is 2mths older than my youngest- PG at same time
3. I have always wanted a girl and no longer have that opportunity to have one.-OC is a girl-and this hurts me to my core- H had vasectomy
4. Due to all that has happened there cannot be any contact with OW which means same for OC- yes she is an innocent causuality in this. OW should of thought of that .
5. I believe in the advice given by this website..NC until OC is an adult a time when the OW will not be involved.
5. OW is manipulative and vindictive and confirmed that she intentionally got pregnant and H admitted she was trying to trap him.
6. Need to eliminate drama in my home for the sake of my boys and for the survival of my marriage.

Maybe in time I will come to better terms with it or maybe not. I cannot predict that far ahead in the future. I can only predict my needs for the here and now and tommorow...and this is what I need to be able to move on in order for me to work on my marriage. H was given that choice as well. I did not force him to decide. Remember I was not given a choice. He chose to work on our marriage and agreed to my conditions. Otherwise we need to divorce which I am not okay with that for my COM sake but I will get over it and move on if necessary.

I do agree with you regarding your #1 and #2 comments but # 3 is a little difficult for me .

I do not think I am being selfish more than anything I think I am being more protective than anything. Protective of my feelings, protective of my family and sort of protective of the OC.I know my personal limitations and weaknessess and due to that I know that even if I tried to accept she would be treated differently by me and my H. He has also admitted that he would never be able to give the OC all that he gives our COM. I think it is best to think of it as an adoption to try to protect her from more rejection. Children are not that resilient and no child should be subjected to these types of circumstances. She is best being left with the individuals that truly wanted her and will love her unconditionally. In my home she would not find that. Her existence alone represents pain, deceit , manipulation etc... and H sees that as well and looks to her as an obligation because morally he is suppose to be there for her but he will never be the father she deserves and he recognizes that. So I ask what is best? I think it is for her to stay away.

WH-(to old to know better)
COM- 2 DS (toddlers)
DDay- 4/28/08