I'm new here, but have been lurking since D-Day mid November. In short, I work overseas (construction) and was separated from WH for one and a half years. We visited about 3 times within that period. He has had 3 affairs during this time. The latest one caused him to see a lawyer for a divorce. I got all fed all the typical affair jargon - we've never had passion or intimacy during our entire relationship, I wish I met her first, our marriage was a mistake, etc. Even though I didn't know it at the time, I initiated Plan A and started giving him attention and affection that I had been neglecting since we have been separated (in fact, probably since we've been married). I also asked him to stop seeing OW and to join me overseas (I'm in SE Asia; He was in the States). After much back and forth, he finally quit his job and joined me about 3 weeks ago. I thought we were on the fast track road to recovery since there was no way to continue to OW and we were having the time of our lives enjoying each other company like we haven't done in a really long time. However, I was seriously mistaken. I did some snooping and found out he had been contacting OW (via phone and email) while I was at work. I realize now that I shouldn't have revealed so soon that I knew about it, but I confronted him each time (no LB's though). Just sincerely asked him to stop contacting her so that we could begin to rebuild. Well imagine my surprise when I came home one night and he had his bags packed ready to go back to the States. He denied that he was going back to her, but we all know that was a lie. For whatever reason, he decided to stay. Latest NC email was sent 22Dec. This time he finally let me see it. I doubt he is being sincere about NC, but we'll see.
My major concern and reason for posting today is that even though I'm meeting all his emotional needs and then some, he is on a different continent from OW, and there has been no other major baggage effecting our marriage until now, he still plans to leave. He says that he's not in love with me anymore and that he doesn't see how the feeling will ever return. He also says that even though he and OW share a 'deep emotional connection' like he's never experienced before, he won't go back to her because he knows it would never work out. He's also showing signs of entitlement. I've seen a couple of emails to friends where he says that he is going to take advantage of his "sugar momma" as payback for the support he's given me in the past. When I ask him why he wants to leave when I'm meeting all of his needs, he says that he just wants to start over.
I believe I've seen postings on this type of situation before. I'm just curious to know how to approach it. Just continue executing Plan A and wait for the fog to clear? What if he does leave and tries to start over? I don't think he will actually do it, but I want to be prepared if it happens.
I suppose a little history would help. We've been married 4 years, but together for 9. Me - 28, WH - 29. No kids and no plans for any. Educated professionals. Enjoy similar interests - traveling, trying new things, culture, etc. I created the environment for the affairs by moving overseas in May 2007 thinking that he could handle the separation like I was able to (didn't know that affection was a huge EN for him). Unfortunately, we ended up creating completely separate lives. I got so used to my independence, I took another job in July of this year that would prolong our separation. He got extremely resentful that I didn't want us to be together. November 1, he told me he wants a divorce. The next week he revealed A.
Would greatly appreciate any advice on the matter. This website has been a wonderful tool.