Mrs. Hold has gone to 2 group workouts. She is sore but pleased with the emotional support. She wears her team t-shirt whenever she works out and she says everyone at the community center is very supportive when they see her. She likes it.

As for us, she says she feels I don't love her or even care about her. I told her I do care but whenever I express my feelings I either get ignored or mocked for being to weak / vulnerable - so I stopped expressing my feelings to her. I told her I am not the strong silent type, and not capable of becoming that way, even if that is the kind of man she wants to be with. She agreed she wants that kind of man. But she also wants the overt displays of affection.

I told her she can't have it both ways. She can't ask for sweetness as a means of reassuring herself I am still committed to her but then disrespect me for not being stoic. Perhaps I can learn to express my emotions in a manner that is less off-putting to her. But that will require communication on her part along with more positive reinforcement and less disrespect. If she is going to demand that I read her mind as to what she wants and then insult me when I make a mistake, well, that is a game I am not interested in playing.

The precipitating event behind her complaint was the drive to the airport last Saturday. It was snowing and my car couldn't get out of our driveway. We tied a rope to her truck and pulled my car up the hill. After we disengaged the rope, we discovered that my car's passenger window would not close. Obviously I couldn't drive to the airport and park my car there for a week with the window open, so I asked her to drive me to the airport. She as reluctant but complied. On the way there she started crying. She couldn't believe that I was "making" her drive me to the airport (we called some car services and none could get me there in time). I told her to drive slowly and carefully on the way back and we discussed which route was likely to have the best plowing, least hills and twists, etc. We called the kids and told them what to do if Mom didn't get back before bedtime. We toyed with the idea of her getting a hotel room and driving back the next day but it was supposed to snow all night and turn colder so we thought the next day might be even worse (as it happend it was, the next day there was a 13 car pileup on the road she would have taken). So there didn't seem to be any way for me to catch my flight unless she drove me and then drove herself home that night.

When I called home from here she complained that I failed to protect her. I told her I see any other way to catch my flight, and with a lousy economy and my job in tenuous circumstances I didn't want to mess up this trip. She said her father would never have let her mother drive. I asked her if she wanted me to treat her more like her father treats her mother. She quickly said no, she doesn't like the way he treats her in other ways.

So I think we are back where we started. She is not happy, but not willing to leave. Same as me. Although her doing this weight loss thing is a hopeful sign that maybe one of us is willing to make changes.

Oh, and a divorced guy we know (parent of one of S14's friends) is also in the weight loss challenge, but on a rival team. He asked Mrs. Hold if she wanted to be his workout buddy. She asked me what I thought of that. I told her I would be going to the local firearms store when I got back. She seemed to like that reaction. She said she thinks it was innocent on his part and that he just doesn't know anyone on his own team. I said I am not interested in some divorced guy working out with my wife 3 times a week. She agreed there was a risk. She said "I have never spent that much time with a guy in my life where he did not end up hitting on me. It has never not happened." I told her that is why I am opposed to it even if he does have innocent intentions today. No way he could help but have urges spending all that time with her. Or at least, I am not interested in her testing the hypothesis.

No, I am not really thinking of getting a gun on his account. Guess I will have to monitor the participants' blog.

When you can see it coming, duck!