Originally Posted By: holdingontoit
 Originally Posted By: catperson
you'll have a nicer mother to your kids to deal with for the rest of your life.

That is my hope. A happier more productive and fulfilled mother for my children.

I told her no one gets any sugar unless they pay the toll. I may not get any sugar, either, but I certainly am not going to tolerate anyone else getting any while I am paying the bills. I told her no one gets any on the side while I am paying the mortgage, car payment, hair colorist, etc. If she finds someone who is willing to pick all that up for her, we can talk. She laughed, so I don't think she was insulted. I think she liked that I was being so territorial.

Interesting (but not surprising) that she looked favorably at you defining your boundaries materially/ monetarily.

I guess this is the biggest No Duh! understatement of the year, but it sounds like you discovered her Love Language and communicated effectively with it. Don't know if it's worth it to you anymore to try and frame all of your communications with her like that, but might it might feel nice to think that you've at least figured out a way to talk to her.