Dutch:

I understand I need to let go of the resentment. Can't seem to do so. Obviously, it hits much less hard as regards everything other than Mrs. Hold. So I am basically walling myself off from Mrs. Hold to wall off the resentment. Helps me deal with everyone else without being a seething cauldron of anger, frustration, etc. Won't help my marriage, but I have already written that off. Does help in other areas of my life. Maybe when I get those into better shape I will feel I can afford to go back and revisit how I deal with the resentment. I understand at this point there is probably nothing that Mrs. Hold can do to overcome my resentment. I am not asking her to even try.

I understand that what you are suggesting would be a healthier way to live. I can't do it. Maybe I need to learn biofeedback or something. But right now the chemical reactions inside my body and brain are overwhelming when I deal with Mrs. Hold. I cannot remain calm and lighthearted in the face of them. So I have to avoid the triggers. Which mostly means avoiding interaction with her. Or limiting it to small doses. Preferably with the kids involved.

Did I mention that when the kids were in Florida and we went into NYC and crashed at my sister's apartment, we slept in different rooms? Once we got inside the apartment, she went into the bedroom and I stayed in the living room. We watched tv and fell asleep apart. I could handle the time together out in public. But I could not handle being alone with her.