Hold- The reason most doctors won't give you shock treatments is because you are not showing signs of severe mental instability. Most of your issue is you do not stay with nor listen to any therapist you go to. You are right your wife is not your issue. Learning to love yourself is the issue. That can't be done with drugs,shock therapy ect. You have to learn the right tools to deal with your issues. Face it Hold your life is not that bad. Come on you have a good job, if you were doing as poorly as you say you are do you think they would keep you on? I highly doubt it not in this economy. Your wife is not perfect but I do believe she loves you. You need to learn to love her for who she is not who you wish she was. However before you can even begin to heal your feelings for your wife you need to heal yourself.
If you don't 1 of 2 things is probably going to happen. Your children will copy you as adults. Or they will become resentful of your issues as adults and back away from you. I am sure you don't want either of those things to happen. Children eed secure role models to follow especially in their teens. Your son especially is watching you it is how kids learn to be adults themselves.

You have health insurance find a good psychiatrist not just a therapist. They can set you up with some good group therapy sessions.

I'm sure I have said these same things to you about 3 or 4 times in the last how many years Hold. You know what to do.