Stellakat;

I understand the pain you want her to suffer, but even looking over your list..some of them wouldn't fly in court..


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I just want the MRS to feel as much or more pain than she has inflicted on her husband all these years. Literally she should be sued! Or put in jail. For all the bad she did to him.

The MRS HOLD MARITAL RESUME:

1. Stole all his savings and lied about it (total around 112K)
(they were married..martial assets--unless they had a pre-nup)

2. Ran up all thier cards and lied about it
(again, martial assets--and he chose to give her the cards to use)

3. Savings now gone,cards ran up, money gone, then he found out.
(again..martial assets)

4. Would not and will not work to make the money back
(he can't say she has refused to work, because she could prove she did work..maybe not the entire time of their marriage, but she did work)

5. Demands more and more money and refuses to work
(he does not HAVE to give into her demands)

6. Demands $225K of home repairs
(again, he does not have to give into her demands, just because she want's it doesn't mean he HAS to go into debt to provide it)

7. Demands trips
(again, HE did not and does not have to give into her demands--if he gave in it was his decision)

8. Demands he work more and more hours
(again, if he works more hours, that's on him..HIS decision, no matter what she 'demands')

9. Forged his checks
(this one he probably could have had her prosecuted for, but I don't know what the statue of limitations is)

10. Continues to runs up cards
(if she is continuing to do this..it's on him--He could very well close all the accounts)

11. Demands and gets a large allowance
(again, He doesn't HAVE to give her such a large allowance, HE, alone makes the decision to give that to her)

12. Drives 100 miles a day to spend more money
(if he cut up the cards, and dropped some of the allowance, this might change)

13. Lousy lover
(can't sue for that)

14. SEX withholder
(might be able to divorce for this, as an act of fraud)

15. Tells him in detail how she used to LOVE sex with her other boyfriends. Real nice.
(might be able to divorce for emotional distress)

16. Makes thier marriage unpleasant every day
(he chooses to stay in the unpleasant marriage, so that is on him)

17. Brings stress on HOLD and the kids by verbally abusing him
(again, might be able to divorce for abuse)

18. Eats too much
(he can't control that--but I don't think he can sue her for being a glutton)

19. Refuses to work at all. At home or on a job.
(she could prove otherwise, as she has worked outside the home at various times)

20. Demanded a houskeeper-she will not clean house
(he can refuse to pay for a house-keeper)

21. Insults HOLD in public
(again, he could divorce for abuse)

22. Demands trips, vacations, and jewelry.
(he does not have to give into her demands)

23. Does not care about HOLD ever retiring
(not sure about this one..I think she would love it if he could retire--as long as they could travel)

24. Gives HOLD an incurable disease
(he knew this was a possible consequence of his choice to have unprotected sex with her)

25. She could care less for anyone but herself
(unfortunately, I don't think you can divorce someone because they are selfish)

26. Treats HOLD bad in front of the kids.
(again, a good case towards abuse)

We could go on and on. Had it been my spouse, I would have divorced her years ago but I would not have had children so I dont know that end of it. I think I would have rather married a criminal than a "Mrs Hold".

Had you known the things he did before he married her, like she had an STD, You probably wouldn't have married her to begin with, because you would not have wanted to take that chance..

But the truth of the matter is, he's made choices for counseling, he's made choices to limit her access to credit cards, and has made great strides in certain areas..but even with the area of counseling, he has refused to stick with it, and find out WHY he thinks this is all he deserves..he has refused to look within and make the changes HE needs to inside himself..because like many others..he has the attitude that "I'm not gonna change unless they change first" even IF they are the one who is miserable with their life..

Which sounds pretty stupid to me..If I am miserable I'm the one who needs to change things so that *I* am not miserable anymore..
but the truth is..He finds comfort in being miserable, he thrives on it..and as the saying goes..Misery loves company..so he stays married so he has company in being miserable.

But in all honesty, I don't think Mrs. Hold is all that miserable--I think she's frustrated and acts out in that frustration..

I think she's one of those people who believe tearing someone down will make them want to change..as if tearing someone down will motivate them to want to change..focusing on the negative trying to change those things..instead of focusing on the positive and offering encouragement and building them up..which is what might actually be more helpful in bringing about the change..

That is something he does, instead of tearing her down about not losing more weight fast enough...he tries to encourage her..

Maybe that is something they could discuss sometime..why his encouragement towards her gets her upset..and him asking her if his tearing her down would actually get her more motivated to change (she would probably say it would piss her off) in which case he could ask.."then why, do you think tearing me down is going to motivate me to change to do more??" "Don't you think it pisses me off too to hear nothing but negative things being thrown at me all the time??" "Do you think yelling at me, and criticizing me causes me to want to try harder at work??" "Do you think it makes me want to take you on those fancy trips or buy you that expensive jewelry you love so much??" "Do you think tearing me down in public makes me want to take you out to a nice dinner or even a business trip with those I work with?"
"do you honestly think it makes me want to show you I love you, by doing those things for you??" No, it makes me angry and it hurts, and it makes me resent you, and it makes me wonder why I ever married you to begin with, and at times, it makes me wonder if I want to remain married to you in my old age if this is what it's going to be like for the rest of my life."

They need more openness and honesty in their marriage..but until he's ready to have that conversation..no matter what any of us say..it won't make a bit of difference..until he's ready to take that risk..and speak up for himself and follow through if things don't change..













Simul Justus Et Peccator
“Righteous and at the same time a sinner.”
(Martin Luther)