Actually it makes perfect sense if you've ever read the book Passionate Marriage by Schnarch. The concept of differentiation is what HOLD is referring to here, which is essentially the idea that within the context of an intimate relationship we will not engage in real change unless and until the pain of remaining the same outweighs the uncertain future that we face by changing. HOLD is undoubtedly capable of absorbing enormous amounts of pain and anxiety, as is Mrs HOLD, before choosing to better differentiate themselves, which is what is required for either of them to move forward at least in my view.

HOLD, been a long time since I've posted. I pray that Mrs HOLD bears fruit while participating in this newest weight loss endeavor. I know her weight gain has always been a real sticking point for you, and while I know resolving the weight issue by itself won't go nearly far enough to permit you to exit withdrawal and re-enter the conflict stage in an effort to get back to intimacy, it's better than the alternative yes?