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Now I am not looking to go through conflict to return to intimacy with her. When I am ready to differentiate I won't be changing in ways that bring us closer together. She may find me more desirable and try to chase me. But I will be running away.

Though you are not looking to go through, I believe you would go through it. Because despite everything you have been through, you still love her.

I think the most difficult part for you, is going to be trusting she's really willing to change and work on the marriage. And you will go through what most people go through at that stage.."why now?? Why after all these years are you willing to do this when you haven't been willing before??"

But its possible all the anger you have been sitting on for so long will come out full force..probably not in a physically violent way but verbally..but I could be wrong, people snap all the time--you hear about these folks on the news when they interview neighbors.."they always seemed like such a nice couple, he was always so nice to her, I never expected anything like this."

So I think it would be best for you, your wife and your kids, if you work on that anger and resentment now..before you snap and either say or do something horrid, if she decides it's time to finally work on the marriage..or even to end it..

I think even then..you might snap, that it's taken her so long to decide she doesn't want to be married to you anymore..

Last edited by ThornedRose; 02/19/09 12:23 AM.
Simul Justus Et Peccator
“Righteous and at the same time a sinner.”
(Martin Luther)