OMG! (How's that for more slang).
I think you could have been my husband. My husband had (still has intimacy issues). Didn't socialize much with anyone other than the computer. Never much luck with the girls.
My husband is a recoverying sex addict. (Porn and spankin' the monkey are his issues.)
PLEASE, PLEASE PLEASE get this dealt with before you get married.
I can promise you, your addiction will get worse. No one knows how it can escalate. For some men, it's being arrested for viewing child porn, for others sex addiction escalates to phuysical cheating, with whomever. Please, spare your intended the pain. As a partner, it's very painful to know that while your husband is NOT being intimate with you, he's mentally screwing every women that he thinks is attractive.
You are denying yourself and your SO a chance at real intimacy, and a real marriage. Engaged in SF for 13 years before we finally made love. Up until 1 year ago, we NEVER connected during sex.
My husband did not tell me he was an addict before marriage, and he knew. He lied to my face, looking straight into my eyes about everything that dealt with his sex life. That damage simply can't be repaired. Well, it can mostly. But you can't undo this sort of damage. Once you've broken the trust your SO has for you...
Likely SF is your highest EN right now because of your activities.
Learning how to build a strong marriage is hard enough. Don't make it harder by throwing in an untreated addiction.
Seriously, when my husband was going through therapy I was pregnant. I had to juggle my ob appointments, my therapy appointments and my husband's therapy appointments . Thankfully, my employer is pretty supportive of us.
My husband always felt indifferent. Nothing was really good or really bad.. See, he was numbing himself, he wasn't feeling. He told me once, while he was acting out, that the best he could hope for in life was contentment.
There are lots of resources available to you:
A therapist that specializes in sex addiction (often labeled CSAT)
Any 12-step group (SLAA, SAA)
Anything by Patrick Carnes (Out of the Shadows, Don't Call it Love)
Last edited by inrecoverynow; 04/14/09 09:14 AM.