Wow. Where do I start? There is so much you need to be working on I can't see where to start. I'll just go down your post.
--Ah the porn addiction...Bethany does frown upon that, however...She does not 'hate' it persay? Because, and I am not sure why, I have heightened sexual need? I get pain down there...If i go more than 24-48 hours without...Busting a nut...
She is not old enough to know what SA
IS. She has NO IDEA what it will do to her marriage. WE DO. So listen to us.
eric, you do NOT have heightened SF need. You're supposed to be that way. What matters, though, is how you decide to deal with is.
Your SA is 'telling' you that you have to do it so often because you are looking at SF from a distorted, unhealthy viewpoint. Make an appointment TODAY for your general doctor and get a recommendation from him for a qualified SF therapist. Do NOT get married until you have this under control!
However, she, suffers from extreme pain if she has vaginal intercourse more than once every 4-5-6 days...And even on that 6th day...Often she feels pain down there during. ...Because it hurts her after she orgasims...or something... We've searched far and wide on the Internet for solutions...
First, how can you expect to be married to someone who doesn't go to a doctor and resolve this? She is in pain now? Just think what it will be like in 10 years, after a couple kids, and she doesn't care about you all that much any more (because you've been burying yourself in your SA). Tell her you can't marry her until she goes to her gynecologist for this issue.
And seriously? Asking the Internet for help for SF pain? This would be a good opportunity to start acting like adults and go to a doctor.
To be honest, I don't want to watch porn
Wonderful!
Then don't! Start tomorrow morning - none for one week, til next Tuesday night. Focus on that and that alone. Research ways to stop. Get help. Tell your friends what you're doing and ask them for help. Join a group.
I think our sadness stems from the in-ability to control the fluctuations of emotions.
Huh? What does that mean? You have a chemical problem? Or you're just emotional? If you don't have a doctor's opinion on this, you are just making an excuse. Time to grow up and stop making excuses.
My sadness is, i think, that I am never satisfied with myself...I always want to experience more, I always want to be better. I beat myself up over failed expenditures and I hold myself in high expectation...when really all I want to do is sit around and not contribute to society.
We could spend a year on this, but I'll give you my armchair opinion. You are a 20-something. I assume you're American or some other 'advanced' society (not third-world with issues like running water). You are
Generation Y ("Generation Y is sometimes called the "Trophy Generation", or "Trophy Kids," a term that reflects the trend in competitive sports (as well as many other aspects of life) where "no one loses" and everyone gets a "Thanks for Participating" trophy." from wikipedia). You have so much done for you (parents, electronics, machines) that you have more time on your hands than you know what to do with. So what do you do? You reflect. You worry. You sulk. You think about what you have and don't have. You wonder if you could have 'better.' You wallow.
And you become depressed. What's the solution? Get off your butt and go out and accomplish something. Volunteer. Grow something. Take up a hobby. Exercise.
Fill your life so that your life doesn't fill you. Is it not possible, however, to lead a fulfilling and happy life with marriage early? I am friends with another couple who the male is not able to 'stay out over night' and is often 'controlled' by his (soon to be) spouse. I have explained to Bethany that because we are getting married to early, that she must not attempt to 'control' me to that extent and allow me experience the joys that I hold dear. She nearly slaps me when I remind her/explain that
eric, this just proves that you are too immature to get married. First, of course you can have a fulfiling married life. IF the two of you didn't have such issues and were focused on
each other - NOT yourself. Like you are.
Why would a married man spend the night 'out' away from his wife? Is that what you think marriage is? If so, then you are not ready to be married. Marriage is for when you have gotten all that out of your system, and you're ready to move on to the next stage of your life - with a woman!
Of course you will still have fun with your friends. BUT SO WILL SHE! Are you ready to watch her go out to a sports bar and drink it up with her girlfriends? Then you shouldn't be going, either.
she must not attempt to 'control' me
Listen to yourself! You are already telling her you don't want a marriage, you want a convenience. What do you think a marriage is? It is committing to LOVE your spouse and TAKE CARE of them - not to expect THEM to take care of YOU. How do you think a marriage like this can survive?
I really like the charity idea. The only problem I have with that is channeling those actions into real positive energy. I could see myself thinking too objectivley about the charity and viewing it as "self-righteous" and not focusing on the real purpose of doing it...Then I may feel it is some sort of punishment for considering myself a selfish person.
What on earth are you talking about? You volunteer to HELP someone or something. You don't go to Habitat for Humanity and say "I need to feel good about myself. Give me a paint brush." You say "I can see people need help. Tell me what to do." And you just do it. You are overthinking this. The benefit comes from the subconscious feeling you get when you see a neglected puppy adopted to a good family or watch a family move into a house you helped build with them.
It causes me pain to consider it, 'why do that Eric, go home and do somtehing that you want to do...Don't worry about other people, wtf sir.' But maybe through forcing myself to go out and witness the problems in this world and give free time...it will help?
Exactly the point. You are so wrapped up in yourself that you can't see the real world. Which doesn't revolve around
you, btw.
--The indifferent comment meant that, I am indifferent to a whole slew of things: Bowling, sports, clothing, cars, work, reading...meaning i didn't want to describe the millions of things I am just 'okay' with. Or I mis-understood what you meant by indifference.
Two things. One, your SA is numbing you to the world. It just does. So get rid of it today. Two, what you are describing is a CHOICE. Just like love is a verb. You're aren't 'in love' - you choose TO love. So choose TO care about cars, work, sports. Ask your therapist about this.
