From my perspective, based on things he has said to me, the devastating part of the affair to him was the change in his own view of himself. It was painful to have put himself up on a pedastal as far as moral character is concerned and then have to face that he had an affair. He seems to completely lack any sort of appreciation for the pain he has caused his wife, his parents, his children, or his wife's family.

Since the pain he feels has to do with his own view of himself, the reason why he wouldn't have another affair is to avoid experiencing that pain again.

Sure, he could justify another affair. He justified having an affair as the only way he could stay married, which was the moral thing to do. What would hold him back is the pain it would cause him.

As for me, he can't hurt me anymore. As the years pass, the kids get older, and it gets less important for me to be available to them. I also rebuild my career with part time work. We are headed for divorce. If we divorce today due to a second affair, I am in a much better position than when we had children ages 1 - 7. In another 8 years, the youngest will be able to drive, and the others will be out of the house. At that point, there will be no reason for us to share a home.

Cherished