Very few people think adultery is acceptable. When they set aside the moral value of fidelity in marriage, it is because they have set aside the moral value of fidelity in marriage or they don't have that moral value. Mostly, I think it is due to setting aside the moral value. And why? "I wanted to" means that a choice was made to violate moral values. Why do people violate moral values? "Because I wanted to" is another way of saying weak character, in my view.
That doesn't mean a person is destined to cheat again. I think people can do terrible things, repent, and protect their own weakness by using extraordinary precautions.
Not all sins are equal. This sin of adultery is one of the worst and is covered by two of the 10 Commandments. It is devastating.
Despite my being devastated by the choices he made 7 - 8 years ago, my bitterness towards my husband is not about what he did back when our second grader was a baby. It's about his attitude today. He has had the opportunity to be gracious in reconciling with my parents, and instead he asked me last night why I was avoiding him, I told him I was upset that he was muttering about being stuck with my parents during a Band Concert while I went to pick up our oldest child from Driver's Ed, and he called me this morning to complain that I am not considering how he feels.
Yep. He has turned the conversation to how he feels.
Same thing. It's all about him.
He violated his moral value to have an affair. What is deeper is narcissism. He thinks about himself to the exclusion of everyone else. The affair was just an egregious example of nacissims which violated his moral code. I'm still dealing with his unwillingness to consider anyone but himself. I am honest when he asks, even though I anticipate that he'll just turn the conversation to "You don't care about how I feel" and "I'm just here to fix the sink."
He used to say 'Leave me alone" to me all the time. Now I think "Leave me alone." I avoid him and not because of his affair seven years ago.
The fact that I am willing to honestly answer his questions means that I still have hope he will channge, although more often than not what I get back is some variation of "All you ever do is complain" and "All you care about is yourself". I believe that, when there is life, there is hope. He may wake up someday to the fact that his behavior impacts other people and those other people need to be considered when he makes choices. In the meantime, he has a wife who avoids him because he makes life unpleasant for her.
Last edited by Cherished; 04/24/09 10:00 AM.