Litha,
Thank you for answering our questions for clarity.
Would you consider if this is your belief, that you held onto this man throughout your previous marriage, in your mind, as an intimacy blocker, that part of your jealousy may be you fearing he's doing that with xGF now?
And when we have practiced blocking true intimacy for a really long time, we've got automatics nearly to our bones...so it seems reasonable to me to have deep, surprising and seemingly shattered feelings erupt...you're going against, essentially, what you've trained yourself into...
knowing doesn't change...helps you change...and since you don't have someone else to compare him to, distract yourself from your relationship now, seems reasonable to make him have the person who's going to be used to block intimacy in the relationship (as long as it gets this far and no further sort of thinking).
Taking someone's word, in general, is reasonable. Not checking reality for yourself in regards to the person who has asked to be your life partner to the end of your days...
unreasonable.
As you said, this is the aspect of you which hasn't caught up with the other aspects...please examine this one belief...that people are honest until proven dishonest. People lie, fib, fabricate and withhold. You know this. Doesn't have a thing to do with you.
However, when it is your life, commitment, on the line, it IS your job to verify the truth. It's an act of respect...for blind trust will end marriages and relationships...for it's an act of disrespect.
You will experience deeper gratitude for his O&H with his phone records and email passwords because you do fulfill your responsibility to know the truth (of actions), than if you don't.
May lesson your fear of him being in charge of breaking your heart...at any moment...as well. When we don't mind our own responsibilities, usually, we're are not seeing where we are shoving them down someone else's throat.
LA
