Update:

Getting close to D12's party, and the money issues are causing nightly friction. I stay calm and "just say no" no matter how unreasonable I view the requests. After all, it is a DJ to think I know better than Mrs. Hold what is reasonable and unreasonable.

As for the rest of the relationship, there basically isn't one.

Mrs. Hold feels I have emotionally withdrawn. Which is true. She feels pain over that. Which is understandable. She wants me to comfort her in her pain. Which is not going to happen. Well, not anytime soon or without huge behavioral changes on her part.

As for sex, pretty much status quo. Except that I have communicated to her my current views. No sex unless and until we are able to talk about it outside the bedroom.

If I am convinced that she is an unrecovered rape victim, then I am obliged to refrain from sex until she seeks treatment. That she argues otherwise is not conclusive. If she can talk to me about what she likes and doesn't like sexually, then I can at least rationalize that she is sufficiently recovered to have sexual relations. If she cannot bring herself to discuss sex at all, then I have to stick with my gut feeling that she is not.

This is not about me and her. This is about me and me. Having the self-respect not to have sex with an unrecovered victim.

People have often asked me over the years why I still desired to have sex with her. Easy. I was wrong. Weak. Damaged. And sought to put a band-aid on my wounds. Hopefully I will now do what is needed to heal myself. Rather than trying to use my wife's body as first aid.