Soolee:

I admit it is possible that Mrs. Hold "just" be uncomfortable talking about sex, as many other women are. And that it might not be PTSD / trauma at work. But at this point, I can't think of anything else that operates as a "test" to see whether she is recovered - as she says she is. All aspects of her behavior other than verbal protestations say she is not.

My motivation is not revenge. It is self-preservation. I need something that helps me feel comfortable with my decision not to have sex with her. This seems to work. Whenever I get an urge, I think about what happened to her, and what it says about me that I desire to have sex with her, and I am able to control the urge and not act on it.

I agree that the "test" is in part designed to prevent sex occurring. Not to punish Mrs. Hold. Frankly, I don't think she will mind except as so far as it reduces her ability to control me through rationing access. Rather because having sex with her sporadically drives me nuts so I prefer not having it at all.

The talking is mostly about getting me comfortable that sporadic sex is OK. Like any other RC that we do only occassionally rather than regularly. If we can discuss her likes and dislikes and set some ground rules for what is OK and not OK for me to suggest during a session, then maybe I can get comfortable with going back to having sporadic sex. Otherwise, I am not enthusiastic.

See, unlike everything else I do, this is very MB-ish. No sex without a POJA first. And I don't see how we can POJA without talking about it!