So last night I asked Mrs. Hold why she wants me to come back to the bed. She said "I like having you here." I asked her what she likes about it, since she constantly complains about my odor, body heat, breathing, talking, trying to touch her, etc. She said "we are married, you are supposed to be here." I said "there are no shoulds, and anyway I don't think you want to get into a discussion about what each of us is supposed to do because we are married."

I asked her whether she wanted me in her bed for appearances, so the children would not see our problems overtly. She said "that is part of it, but not the whole thing. I like having you here." I said "yes, I hear that you say you like me being here, but you don't seem to like me interacting with you. You don't want me right next to you. It appears to me that you want me a few feet away from you, but in the bed. As a matter of security. Kinda like D12 wants her blanket. A security device. A pet. Not a person." She nodded but said nothing.

So I asked her "what is in it for ME to come back to our bed. As you know, our marital bed has been a very stressful place for me. It triggers my anxiety." She said "sometimes it is stressful for me too." I said "yes, but you want me here anyway. I am not sure I want that. What is in it for me to be here?"

She said "I will be here." I said "yes, you and I will be together in bed, but that is what YOU want. What is in it for ME?" She said "you get to be next to your beautiful wife." I said "yes, you are beautiful. But you are my beautiful wife even when I am in the living room. That doesn't change as a result of where I am sitting."

We resolved to discuss this further on Thursday. Should be interesting, as she has so far offered me NOTHING to get me back into bed with her. I'll probably go back anyway. But it is interesting to discuss this with her calmly and watch her reaction. She appears to be VERY uncomfortable having this conversation. I care too, but as I am resigned to getting nothing from her, I am much less invested in her reaction than I otherwise would be.

When you can see it coming, duck!