Originally Posted by Soolee
I want to be O&H with you, though, Hold. I sense that even when your kids are grown, you will not divorce your wife. I sense that you two will be so ingrained with each other that change will either seem too problematic and complicated or require too much energy.

Yes, I anticipate that as well. Very possible given my fear of change.

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all this time when you could have been strengthening your marriage and willfully chose not to, will be wasted because although the marriage will still be intact, it will not be any happier.

Here is where we disagree. I do not think I could be strengthening my marriage. What I am missing out on is NOT working things out with Mrs. Hold. That will never happen. What I am missing out on is improving myself and my life so that I am better able to attract and relate to a healthy partner in the future. If I don't do the internal work, then I will only be attractive to predators and other wounded persons. Not to anyone healthy.

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On your deathbed, will you be saying "I wish I'd spent more time being unhappy"?

No, on my deathbed I expect to have many regrets. But that won't be one of them. I think I have become quite adept at racking up subjectively unhappy time, and I expect to have continued success in that area.

When you can see it coming, duck!