Originally Posted by holdingontoit
I am here because this is part of how I medicate my angst from continually making stupid choices.

This is going to impact my kids no matter what. No way to insulate them. No one said anything about insulting them and you are deflecting from the real problem -- how to tell them the truth AND teach them what they see/hear is not healthy. You are one smart person Hold...law school is not easy and it takes a bright and quick person to make it through AND make a living at it...so I know exactly what you are doing when you start making statements like this one. I am aiming for "by the time you guys divorced, we wished you had done it sooner" Wow, that's setting the bar a little low don't you think? . From what I have read of the studies of divorce and children, that tends to produce marginally better outcomes than the kids who wished their parents had stayed together. From the studies you read, what was the median age of the children involved? As you know, there are many studies and to rely on a study that encompasses children of younger/tender years vs. those that are older would be meaningless to support your argument of withholding the truth from them. Still, it is a crap shoot no matter what you do. No it's not and you know it isn't. No way to predict how divorce will impact any particular child. This is what I call talking out of both sides of your mouth. You want to rely on this so you don't have to be truthful with your children. Yet all the while you keep insinuating and stating that you know how staying together will be most beneficial to your kids. Have you asked them? Have you been truthful with them? Have you explained anything to them?

Look, in a tiny corner of me I still hold out hope that Mrs. Hold and I will reconnect. Finally a little truth comes through as to why you still post here. Nothing bad happened by stating that truth did it Hold? Did your world fall apart? Did the internet crash? I am not willing to make any effort in that direction today. More of the "give me what I want, but don't expect me to do a darn thing about it -- it's your turn to make me into a better person. But maybe tomorrow I will be. There is no tomorrow...at least in my world, God didn't call me up and tell me I was guaranteed a tomorrow...did He for you? Every year my sex drive declines. Welcome to reality. Maybe at some point it will fall so low that I stop wanting sex. Your resentment isn't solely about sex, but that's all you want to focus on and hold against Mrs. Hold because you know it's the one thing that she has the toughest time providing. There's plenty more that could be worked on even without getting sex. Plenty more that should be worked on. Maybe then I will be able to let go of the resentment. No, you hold onto it like a security blanket. Getting sex will not "make" you let go of resentment. Who knows. You do.

If I were forced to make a move today, it would be to Plan D. Hence I refuse to move off the fence. Maybe some day I will choose to Plan A again. Maybe some day when the kids are closer to leaving I will be willing to have an honest talk with Mrs. Hold about what it would take for me to re-engage. For now, I do not feel safe entering into negotiations because I am unwilling to walk away. Very narrow minded way of thinking isn't it? There's lots of other things to do besides walk away and you know many of them -- yet you continue to choose only Plan D as your option because it allows you to stay in your coccoon and not do something to improve yourself and your marriage. I need to be wiling to leave. Why? Otherwise my negotiating position is fatally compromised. No it isn't. You may be a tax attorney, but you know there's more than one solution to every negotiation. And just because you may not get everything you want in a negotiation, it in no way fatally compromises your position.

Hopefully, she will put up with my withdrawal until then. Put your fate into her hands again huh? If not, I will probably regret not doing more at this time. Then again, I have so many regrets I may not even notice another. Time to stop the self-pity, don't you think?


Me 41
H 47
M 11
DD 9