I am not staying for the kids. I am staying for me. So that I get to be with them.

I know myself. If we divorce, I will not be as available. I am too weak to continually pick them up from activities and drop them off at their mother's home. Especially if she is not alone there.

To the extent I am lying about the impact on them, it is to justify that it is OK for me to stay married to their mother. Because that is what I want FOR ME. I am not saying it is clearly better for them. I am justifying doing what I want. With the idea that it is not more likely to harm them than is divorce. Which, given the evidence in both directions, is probably true.

Especially given their mother's historic irresponsible behavior. And mine. I predict our divorce would be a train wreck if we do it while the kids are still home. Yes, mature adults should be able to achieve a different result. But we are dealing with me and Mrs. Hold here. I don't think I am wrong to predict that an amicable divorce is unlikely.

When you can see it coming, duck!