Telly:

Excellent point. I have spent enormous time on another discussion board (that Stella / Baba pointed me to years ago) exploring those issues.

I think it is possible for some people to love intensely but not have much interest in sex. Many people are like that. There is nothing wrong with them. They do not have a "defect" that has to be "cured". They are just different than those of us who desire sex intensely. And it is just as likely that those of us who desire sex intensely have a "defect" that needs to be "cured" (such as low self esteem or depression that we are trying to medicate through sex / orgasms).

As Starfish has pointed out here several times, many people desire sex intensely during the early stages of a relationship while PEA is coursing through their brains. Later, when the PEA is replaced by oxytocin (as occurs naturally in most humans during long term relationships), those people stop desiring sex so intensely. Those people do not consciously pull a "bait and switch". They truly want sex at the beginning and they do not consciously choose to stop wanting sex later. But the change (albeit natural) can cause tremendous pain even if both people understand the mechanism.

There are not always pleasant solutions to a large and persistent mismatch in libido. It can and often does destroy relationships. Doesn't have to. But needs to be handled with grace. Which people involved in mismatches often find difficult to offer each other.

My relationship problems are no longer about sex, although that continues to be a problem in our relationship. My life problem is no longer about my relationship, although that continues to be a problem as well.

My problem is that I am so depressed I don't even want to seek help to stop being depressed. I have accepted that I am going to be unhappy for the rest of my life and am not motivated to do anything to change my trajectory. That problem has is not Mrs. Hold's fault. It is on me. And she can't solve it. Only I can.

But first I have to want to solve it.