I agree that Hold has many qualities that draw us back over and over again. He writes well, describes himself and his situation in a way that is easily comprehended too. Journaling may be a good outlet for someone with such skills.

I also think that despite the things Mrs. Hold may or may not have done to affect Hold's feelings, he still has a responsibility to protect his family from the depression. I don't see that.

Maybe I don't understand depression well enough. That could be it. All I know is that he's perfectly capable of articulating his feelings here, not all without humor. He's a functional human being and father, holding a job, going to Temple, involved in outside activities, etc. etc.

What this seems to boil down to, despite what Hold is saying, is that he's very angry - so angry that it has had a strangle hold on his heart and has cut off the circulation to his feelings. He's coming across at this point as apathetic, but his heart is actually in a state of torsion. jmho.

Hold...if you won't see anyone for ADs, how do you feel about starting to train again for something - getting some real physical exercise - the kind that makes the sweat run in rivulets, and maybe some good Hatha yoga to give it balance? Also, what about foods that help combat depression? Ever look into that?