I have failed at changing me. And will continue to fail. Until my desire for change outweighs my fear of change.

I understand that God is providing for me. He is giving me ED. So I stop wanting sex. Stop pressuring my wife for sex. So maybe I can focus on something else besides sex. We shall see.

And I realize I only say FYB inside my head to distract myself from my real thought. Which is IHM. And please do not condescend to tell me that is a lie.

Some day, I may choose to forgive myself. And then perhaps IHM will not be true. But for now. It is.

When you can see it coming, duck!