Hold, I can relate. A university down here emailed us that DD13 qualified from her state testing scores to take the SAT to qualify for a summer program there. She took is and got a great score, and was eligible, but we didn't send her there. She wanted to go to acting camp, so we sent her to that instead. Because we can't afford everything. It was a family decision we were all enthusiastic about.

What do you think about looking at this as a family decision? I used to also ask H if we could afford stuff, instead of talking through the decision together. I made a mistake, but I can make amends by doing it differently today. I think if you as a family looked at this, you would likely come to the same decision, that he'd prefer to do the Bermuda program.

One day's actions don't define you, make you some wimpy loser or something. You are so special, Hold, made with a purpose. When your actions and values don't line up, you felt pain. All that makes you is human, right? What is an action you could take today that would line up with your values? Did you ever read that You Don't Have To Take It Anymore by Steven Stosny? He encourages you to come up with a list, and males some suggestions, and one is to watch your kids sleep, how's that for something to bring you peace, to reconnect you with what you are doing daily that does go with your values?

I know that whole self-flagellation thing is familiar, but I don't think that's the only way to get relief from feeling in pain.