"I am continually perplexed when you bring something to me, like this, knowing it is outside the scope of what we can do. Feels to me like you want me to feel like a failure, to feel bad, knowing I want you and DS to be happy and successful."

For some reason, I don't think it's that she necessarily wants him to feel like a failure. I think she's really disconnected and not 'getting' the extent of the damage she did with the spending. She doesn't 'get' that he's waiting for her to take steps to help rectify it. She's sort of glossing over it in her mind, almost like she doesn't believe him - doesn't believe that what she did was all that bad...

One thing that could possibly be part of that is if Hold is keeping the bill paying, balance knowledge, cc balances, etc. apart from Mrs. Hold and not showing her the numbers monthly. Could be he isn't explaining to Mrs. Hold just how much they need in the bank before he can retire and how long that will take or before the son starts college, or before a home renovation can take place - things like that.

If you're not being open and honest on a monthly basis about the finances, she may be assuming the finances are better than you say they are. Perhaps if she saw the actual numbers regularly she would realize how ridiculous it would be to approach you for more money.

Last edited by Soolee; 12/14/09 02:01 PM.

Sooly

"Stop yappin and make it happen."
"The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you."

Me 47
DH 46
Together for 28 years.
Married 21 years.