I don't see the expense in the cooktop...I see you really seeing what she wanted the most and choosing that for your gift. You can DJ it another way...and you said you hadn't seen her delighted with you in a long time...

and she has been...and you refuse to acknowledge. Doesn't make it so, sir. Makes you just hiding it from you.

You can't motivate her delight, her being thrilled...you can be present and aware, and in reality that your choices ripple...that you don't control outcomes...only actions.

I know you don't want her to be crazy about you...so you continue to DJ, to not say "no" or make respectful boundaries...'cuz you don't want to be crazy about yourself, either. You don't want to soar...too scary. You want to keep her making you feel the routine, habitual feelings...failure, inadequate, rejected.

I know, I remember. I swore I wasn't doing it, either.

You don't control her choice to love you...you definitely have a part in her feeling loving feelings. Not all or nothing. And she does. She fears you as much as you fear her. She feels like a failure as often as you do. Rejected...and she sets herself for your rejection, time and time again. Reinforces she's right...

and so you both spin. Only takes one to stop the downward spiral.

Puking is a form of deep rejecting, I believe...it's how our bodies signal us when our emotions cannot be stuffed down anymore, when our minds can no longer justify and distract, and when our spirit, sickened from our self-abuse, finally rejects...because we really hate the spiral, the spin...not what we really want...not really...just what we continually do to self-sabotage.

Often, folks hate what they lust for...feel like slaves to our own lust...so you get a double win that way. If only she would change...

And she gets delighted with the way you love her, anyway. Yeah, she's the monster here...you betcha. She's the one who points out how others see you, like you...she shares. She didn't withhold her joy over your gift...alleviating something she was struggling with.

She meets your ENs for FC, DS...she acts out what you will not...what you dread...?

You were her hero this morning...maybe she thought she was thrilled WITH you. A real H would tell her your truth...that you are not and hate yourself for giving her the gift which gives her joy...and that you hate her and yourself. And you like it that way, want to keep it that way.

But then, to tell her is an act of intimacy...would lessen your feelings of rejection without you hinging telling her on her response. Instead of telling her what you are solely responsible for...your stuff.

You chose to give a loving gift without love. She doesn't know that. She felt loved, cherished, cared for and understood. That's her love language (and mine as well). You can continue to DJ it about money...and miss the symbols. On purpose. Keeps her the villain and you the martyr that way.