Actually, Hold, what you've done is find a *pseudo*-public forum where you can vent these emotions and to a certain extent, wallow in them. So you're still hiding the fact in your "real" life. That's one of the enticing things -- and thus one of the dangerous things -- about the internet. We can find places to express our "real selves" without any real danger - sure, there are people who will say nasty things to us, deserved or not, but we don't have to engage, we only have to take what we want from the internet experience.

I only hope that you are actually gaining something positive from the interactions here, and working up to some positive action in your life instead of just soaking in it.

I've been reading your thread for some time now, but really haven't had anything constructive to add. I sympathize with your angst, and feel anger on your behalf for the way your wife has apparently used you. I can empathize with your depression, too.

However, I also find myself wanting to give you advice one of my best friends gives me on occasion. An ex-marine, he rarely minces words. Here's what he tells me, verbatim. "You've had your three laps in the pity pool, missy, and you're getting wrinkly. Time to get out, I'll get your towel."

At some point, Hold, you really do have to *decide* you're done living life so negatively, and take a step in the other direction. You'll likely find you have people in your life who care about you and want to help, but they're waiting for you to take a step because they know it's something you have to do for yourself.