Originally Posted by Retread
If your wife is pleased with the holidays, the weekend, the new stove, went to the bedroom, and wanted you to be there, it sounds like you blew an opportunity to connect with her. You are rejecting her attempt to connect. You must be living in past resentment, rather than the present.

Yes, exactly. I am living in past resentment. I am comfortable there. I am not comfortable living in the present and trying to connect with her. Too much risk of rejection. She rejected me every night and every morning over the weekend. Maybe she wanted me last night. Maybe not. I don't want to know, because the odds are not in my favor.

If she wanted me last night, most likely it was to lie next to her silent and unmoving. Maybe hold my hand. And then roll over and go to sleep. I do not want that. Without the sex, I find the night together in bed painful rather than pleasant. I am not going to put myself through a painful process just so she can feel connected to me. If she wants me to connect with her, she needs to make that process less painful for me. Which means LOTS more sex. I know it doesn't work that way. I know the SF comes after meeting needs and eliminating love busters. I know I should meet her ENs and hope that motivates her to want to reciprocate. BTDT. Homey don't play that game no mo.

I do not expect my decision to produce a happy marriage or a happy life for me. But it is less painful than back when I was actively trying to meet her needs. I believe that is the best I can hope for. I am aiming to be proved correct. Given all the rejection and failure in my past, I like being able to attain my goals. Even if they are negative ones.

When you can see it coming, duck!