Originally Posted by Still_JM
It is up to Hold himself to put effort to such changes. Without that, he will be in the same situation as was since 8 years ago?

Exactly. I fully expect to be in the same situation 5 years from now. Then we shall see what I choose. I may choose to stay. I may be too old and too tired and too afraid and too set in my ways to summon the effort to change. If so, it will be because I chose this unhealthy and miserable existence. I recognize that. It is on my head.

Originally Posted by Still_JM
Isn't that just some passive-aggressiveness on your part.

Yes, exactly. I am too wimpy to be overtly aggressive. So I am passive-aggressive instead. Undoubtedly that plays a part in my wife not finding me sexually attractive. Still, knowing that is not enough to motivate me to change.

Originally Posted by Still_JM
you "let go" of your own free will and control of your happiness based on what your wife does? You put your own happiness 'dependent' on whether you wife meets your needs or not.

Yes, of course I do. I do not want to take responsibility for my life. I would rather put it on her shoulders. Naturally, she resents that, as she should.

Not saying I am mature. I am a mess. And I have given up hope of ever not being a mess. Which pretty much dooms me to continue being a mess. Yikes, look how quickly I fall back to full eeyore mode.

When you can see it coming, duck!