Hold,

Yes, I hear you. You see for years I thought we were "working" on it and found out I was the only one working on it. Do you have any F%$^&ing idea what that did to my psyche? That is when I turned into No More Mr. Nice Guy and she could sense it.

bjs,

I completely understand what you are saying, but it was like the chicken and the egg and we (or I) was working on it since she started refusing from the beginning. The chronic refusals and what she said and did crushed me so much that I did not feel safe and secure initiating and eventually I did not feel safe and secure bringing the subject up, so I do understand.

Hold and I are in similar places in that it is now their opportunity to "work" on it. If she wants more safety and security, she's going to have to make it safe and secure for me, that's all, and if she doesn't than I'm ok with it.