I do understand,

I made it unsafe for my h by refusing sex early in our marriage. He made it unsafe for me by having an EA. He hasn't done much to make me feel safe that another EA will never happen. In fact we just talked the other day about what are boundary crossings for EA's and he could only come up with being secretive. OUCH.

I do understand to some degree what it feels like to be constantly rejected or your need not met. One of mine is conversation not my top but in there. My h know this, knows he isn't meeting it, knows that it can put me in a vulnerable position to have it filled by others, knows that others are filling, yet has no plans to change it.

soooo........what does one do. I don't want it filled by anyone else I want it filled by him. I haven't felt safe in years with him however I keep taking those steps to improve me and to make those steps towards him. I'm not even sure if this is going to work. I'm not sure I will ever fill safe with him.

However I get to a place where I feel strong enough and I take those steps towards him. Sometimes he surprises me sometimes not. However each time I see him make those baby steps to. It gives me hope, encouragement only later to be crushed once again. So I do understand. However I would much rather keep doing positive steps for me and my marriage so that in the end whether it makes it or not I can live with myself and the knowledge that I did everything possible even if my spouse did not.

I understand rejection for a man in the sexual department is one of the cruelest things a wife can do to a man. Your wife's rejection of you should belong in her lap. I wish you and Hold could see that it is not a reflection of the kind of men you guys are. That you could release that hurt and pain to regain your ability to see that you are not defined by your wive's rejection on you. I'm not sure if this makes any sense and its not coming out on here the way I want to say it.