Yes it is painful. I can only think of my sil who cannot have a child herself and feel like life itself has rejected her. I feel bad for her, but at times think, "why doesn't she adopt?". She doesn't want to adopt and although it's close the fact is she cannot have a child.

For so long I had this feeling wanting SF and knowing I will not get it, although it's so close and that pain was to my core. I have cried alone from the pain. I will never get those year back when I could at the drop of a hat and wanted to at the drop of a hat. Those are gone and stolen by someone who was to protect and to serve, to have and to hold. It's painful to think she didn't care and admits it and admits being selfish. If I would've known I probably would have left then, instead she lied about trying and working at it when all along she wasn't. Safe and Secure? How do I know she is trying her hardest? How do I know this will last? By signing that contract she has given me the ability to see with my own eyes that there's hope and when I'm feeling that pain, I can pull it out of my wallet and read it, unless of course it's another ploy.