Originally Posted by bjs
If you wife agrees to having sex with you, do you want to have sex when she is feeling resentful towards you?? When she is angry with you?? When she is hurt by something you have said?? When she feels she has to because its one of your EN?? Because it's the only way to save your marriage according to you at this point in time??

I am very torn about those questions.

Part of me says yes. I want sex no matter how she feels. She wanted date nights and vacations and presents even when they were painful for me. She wanted compliments and admiration even when she spent all our savings, ran up huge debts and gained 70 pounds. She didn't stop wanting what she wanted just because I didn't feel like providing it. Now it is her turn to provide no matter how she feels.

Part of me says no. But probably not for the reason you might imagine. Not to spare her feelings. But because I am disgusted that I so often accepted lousy sex. So if she merely offered to lie there and let me do my thing while her mind flies of to "Planet Mrs. Hold". In other words, lousy sex. Because her anger or fear or pain prevents her from offering more than that. Then there is no need for us to bother. But if she could make the sex good for me (I used to want the sex to be good for her, but at this point I figure that is her responsibility), I would accept it and thank her for it.

And hopefully feel good about it. I used to feel bad about having sex when the woman wasn't "into it". Now I feel like a chump for being so "noble". Now I just want to be selfish. And figure if she wants the sex to be good for her then she can ask for what she needs. I am more than willing to use fingers or tongue or toys to make it good for her if she shares with me what she enjoys. Or if she is willing to explore together if she doesn't already know. But I am no longer going to take on the responsibility for making it good for her if she will not share her experience with me.

When you can see it coming, duck!