Originally Posted by holdingontoit
I have been reading the recent posts on themud's thread. Several women have said "you need to make it safe for her, she can sense your resentment, and it prevents her from feeling safe".

In my case, that is the whole point. I am NOT safe for Mrs. Hold. I want and need sex. When there is no SF, I resent her. I am not going to stop feeling that way unless and until my need for SF has been met consistently and abundantly for a significant period of time. If our SF depends on her feeling safe with me, there will never be SF between us. I guess I do not love her enough to make it safe for her.

Maybe if we had worked this out earlier in our marriage I could have given her the time and space to feel safe without pressure from me for sex. But we are long past that. I want sex and I want it now and I don't care whether that puts pressure on her or makes her feel unsafe. She can feel safe later.

Which is why I feel we are incompatible. She is a rape victim. I know her need for safety is even stronger than for other women. And the requirement for me to be safe even more important. And I can no longer be that for her.

You overlook one of the strong premise of MB, if there is a disease, addiction or abuse, MB will not likely work.

If and when you fix yourself, and if and when she fixes herself, only then MB will have a better change of working.

-- Still JM --

Met `82, Steady May`86, Married Jul`95. D12, S9, D3. MB`ing since Apr`02 to fall back "in love."

05.20.06: "If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you'll most certainly be right."