Originally Posted by bjs

my heart does hurt for you and themud, however I think you guys can make it, cause you keep trying.

couple questions for you if you don't mind.

If you wife agrees to having sex with you, do you want to have sex when she is feeling resentful towards you??

I'm not hold or mud, but I will answer based on my experience.
When I was at a point of feeling complete UNMET SF, any sex was sex and I took it.

It was up to me to determine and differentiate what is "bad sex," "duty devotional," "quickie sex," and "love making."

I could not quite make the distinction on on some of those without regular sex.

Originally Posted by bjs
When she is angry with you??
It depends on how she expresses her anger. If she agrees to say quickie sex, then she starts complaining during, making irritated gestures during, or any overt actions I perceive a turn off means it's "bad sex" and I would stop and refuse to participate further.

Originally Posted by bjs
When she is hurt by something you have said??
It is her responsibility to communicate her feelings. I do not control her feelings.

Originally Posted by bjs
When she feels she has to because its one of your EN??
That is her choice to meet my needs, so long as I express my needs to her. There is nothing wrong with duty or devotion sex, so long as both perceive it as such.

Originally Posted by bjs
Because it's the only way to save your marriage according to you at this point in time??
I *was* in that perception, where the lack of SF felt like it was the only thing holding the marriage together, and felt like when SF is never to happen, the M is done.

But when I did proceed to think and discuss D, there were "other important factors" or values for me to consider--such as kids, and financial impact.

Last edited by Still_JM; 01/13/10 04:15 PM.

-- Still JM --

Met `82, Steady May`86, Married Jul`95. D12, S9, D3. MB`ing since Apr`02 to fall back "in love."

05.20.06: "If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you'll most certainly be right."