Originally Posted By: veejay
First, I'm hearing a lot of quite bitter resentment over not getting SF.


Yes, I am very bitter and resentful about the lack of sex in our marriage.

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I would have thought that a HUGE lovebuster would be conveying (even with body language and behavior not just words) an attitude of resentment and anger when SF didn't happen. Kind of like a 'body language' AO. So I'm thinking if I was male and trying plan A I would spend 1-3 months of falling over myself to not convey any sense of anger and instead be the epitome of reassurance when there is no SF. i.e. ZERO expectations of SF. (what DR. Harley calls being an angel) - No resentment.


BTDT. We did marriage counselling for 8 years. During parts of that we went months without sex (like 9 months). We saw a sex therapist who said "no sex until I gave you permission". I was fine with that. Went with the program. No asking for sex. Good positive attitude. My wife refused to do any of the "homework" (well, to be fair I think she did it 1 time in 16 weeks). I spent plenty of time eliminating love busters and "stuffing" down my resentment over the lack of sex.

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After THAT then if there is still no SF even though this and all other LB's have been erradicated and EN's are being met. Then and only then can you say hand on heart - maybe this will never work.


Which is where I find myself today. Done the program. Got told to shove it. Waiting for the kids to be out of the house so I can finally take the action that is the natural consequence of knowing this will never work.

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Just my 2 cents. Sorry if any of this is off the mark I'm still trying to understand ramifications of plan A myself.


I think you have a very good understanding of the MB principles and of Plan A. I wish you the best good fortune in resolving whatever marital issues lead you to arrive at this forum.


When you can see it coming, duck!