I found this on the Shrink for Men web site. Describes me perfectly.

If you believe the clich�, �You can�t love anyone else until you love yourself,� then there should be no pursuit of a love interest until you learn to love yourself. If you�re attracted to others who can�t love you in return, you�ll begin a futile cycle of pursuit and distancing behaviors. Think of it as �mutually assured unhappiness.�

This pattern of behavior typically reinforces your inner and oftentimes unacknowledged feelings of worthlessness and inadequacy. In other words, you seek intimacy and love from others who either can�t tolerate or aren�t capable of intimacy and love, which confirms your faulty beliefs about being undeserving or having to work for love.

Veejay, you are exactly correct. I am dishonorably avoiding personal growth. And I intend to continue doing so. I don't feel better about feeling guilty about it. I just don't feel like changing.

I have been taking the poison for years. I have been on an all poison, all the time diet since May 2005 when we stopped working on our marriage. I can make another 5 years.

Originally Posted by Veejay
Would you consider doing just one more Plan A stint to give it another try?

Not until the kids leave home. At this point, the playing field for conducting POJA negotiations is tilted in her favor. She can always play the Plan D card and blow me away. When the kids are gone, we can negotiate in a more even-handed manner. Maybe then I will give it one more try before leaving.

And thanks for offering tips on mentally disengaging. So far, I have found what works for me. Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2!

When you can see it coming, duck!