Originally Posted by veejay
I'm starting to suspect you're quite happy in your unhappiness!

Not happy. Comfortable. Deathly afraid of leaving my comfort zone. And dedicated to justifying my choice to stay here. Same as my wife. We are very well matched in that way.

I do feel sorry for your wife though - I hope she finds someone who is prepared to at least try and love her.

I feel sorry for both of us. I see her as a scared and lonely girl huddled in the corner. She has been hurt. She desperately wants to be loved and nursed back to health. Unfortunately, I did not come to see this side of her until far too late in the game. After my love bank had been run so deep into the red that I am unwilling to extend further "credit" in the hope that this can be turned around.

I share the same hope for her as you do. I just hope that she waits until after we are divorced to go looking.

And as in many things, we all need to be careful what we wish for. I tried to love her for many years. Tried to eliminate LBs. Tried to meet her ENs. But the more we spent enjoyable time together, the more I wanted sex. Drove me nuts. Which I had to hide. Which was stressful and exhausting. These days I am more at peace. The reality is unhappy. But more consistent. I can behave more in accordance with how I feel (if we aren't going to have much sex, I don't want to spend much time alone with you). Less stressful. Even if less happy.

Trust me, it was not better back when I was trying to love her.

Hmmm, if you mean, trying to love her in the way she prefers to be loved. Then yes, that would be good. But I can't do that. Nor can she do that for me. So eventually we will be better off apart. But not now.

When you can see it coming, duck!