Originally Posted By: LovingAnyway
I missed the part where you told her you wanted sf with her after the wine. Did you?


You didn't miss anything. I did not mention sex. We had a nice time out with friends. Something we do only rarely. She knows when I have a good time with her present, I get horny. So she pre-empted any request for sex that I may have been considering. Just like she did on our 5th anniversary. The pre-emptive rejection that lead to me insisting on MC. Which, in hindsight, was a huge mistake. Should have kept my mouth shut. And just left.

Back then, I thought I could not do that to my kids (leaving). Now I see that they probably would have been better off if I had left.

She told me the room is spinning and she felt like puking so I would leave her alone. It worked. I left her alone. All weekend. Except for the nudge.

I don't know why I torture myself this way. Staying with her. Trying to stifle my desire for her. I feel like Sisyphus. I can't help wanting her. I know I can't have her anywhere near as often as I want. So I pretend I don't want her. It hurts so much to not be able to be myself. Just as I know it hurts her that I cannot accept her as she is. So much pain. We should separate so that each can be themselves without hurting the other.

Originally Posted By: cwmi
You know what you need to do.


I know. Leave. Won't do it.

Or did you mean get my act together and man up and be the kind of man she would find attractive? No, I won't do that. I don't believe I could. And I wouldn't want to give her the satisfaction of being right. I'd rather be miserable than have her be right.

Like I said, I hope you are not married to someone like me.


When you can see it coming, duck!