Originally Posted by LovingAnyway
I missed the part where you told her you wanted sf with her after the wine. Did you?

You didn't miss anything. I did not mention sex. We had a nice time out with friends. Something we do only rarely. She knows when I have a good time with her present, I get horny. So she pre-empted any request for sex that I may have been considering. Just like she did on our 5th anniversary. The pre-emptive rejection that lead to me insisting on MC. Which, in hindsight, was a huge mistake. Should have kept my mouth shut. And just left.

Back then, I thought I could not do that to my kids (leaving). Now I see that they probably would have been better off if I had left.

She told me the room is spinning and she felt like puking so I would leave her alone. It worked. I left her alone. All weekend. Except for the nudge.

I don't know why I torture myself this way. Staying with her. Trying to stifle my desire for her. I feel like Sisyphus. I can't help wanting her. I know I can't have her anywhere near as often as I want. So I pretend I don't want her. It hurts so much to not be able to be myself. Just as I know it hurts her that I cannot accept her as she is. So much pain. We should separate so that each can be themselves without hurting the other.

Originally Posted by cwmi
You know what you need to do.

I know. Leave. Won't do it.

Or did you mean get my act together and man up and be the kind of man she would find attractive? No, I won't do that. I don't believe I could. And I wouldn't want to give her the satisfaction of being right. I'd rather be miserable than have her be right.

Like I said, I hope you are not married to someone like me.

When you can see it coming, duck!