Originally Posted by LovingAnyway
I did...to both of you.

I know. But it is misplaced. Neither of us was smart in choosing a partner. Or in reacting to our mistake.

I married a woman I thought was "above my pay grade", but I hoped to move higher on the ladder to deserve her. Mistake. I never did move higher on the ladder. She married me for what she expected I would earn. Mistake.

We both wish we were married to someone else. She wants someone who actually has as much money as she imagined I would have by this time. And I want someone who doesn't need that much money to be satisfied. Neither of us will ever get what we want while we stay together. Yet neither of us is motivated to leave.

Does not seem smart or wise to me.

Originally Posted by LovingAnyway
now I see how a high maintenance woman would actually be what you'd want...because she would make you earn more salt, be worth more rewards, over time, than you thought possible by yourself?

LA, the virtuous cycle you describe is what my uncle is aiming for. Each spouse encourages the other to greater achievement. Never worked that way for me and Mrs. Hold. We do not inspire the other to achievement. We just grind each other down lower and lower. We reinforce each other's worst tendencies. It has been a disaster from the beginning. Now we are both too stubborn to get out.

And FYI, althoguh I am sure you would predict my response, I do not agree that I have proven "worth my salt". I have been a failure professionally. And since the linch-pin of our marriage is my earning capacity, failure in my career outweighs any other aspect of our life together.

When you can see it coming, duck!