The first motivational problem is getting someone to even look at Marriage Builders. They have to want, just a enough, to improve their marriage that they will read one of the books or agree to phone counseling, or go to an MB Weekend seminar.

When I first read HNHN a few years ago, I was realized this was a complete package by a hands on counselor, who had failed for years, studied his failures, and developed a new set of methods by listening to his customers, using trial and error, testing and refinement. This is the same approach I use in my business consulting. It works. A systematic approach is the only want to diagnose and solve a system of problems.

But when I showed "His Needs, Her Needs" to my wife, she saw it as a book to change her. I told her, yes, and it is to change me, but only as part of changing marriage for the better. When she started reading it, the first few chapters are about affairs, and she formed the wrong impression that Dr. Harley is blaming the betrayed spouse for the affair. She is also of the mind that a person should follow their feelings, be who they are. She doesn't believe people can really change who they are, but only learn to put on an act. She put down the book and closed her mind.

A friend had noticed that my work habits had changed, and I told him I was making a conscious effort every time endless work commitment popped up, to ask myself if it interfered with my family life. If it did, I moved it. I told him about HNHN, which he borrowed. He did the same thing I had done, and got the same reaction. That is when I found this forum and started reading.

A book like FILSIL might have been a more positive approach, but I did not know about it at the time. "Lovebusters" gets right to the action, and it might be the best introduction. I have not read either one of those, because I understand the program. "The Exceptional Seven Percent" is something I wish my wife would read, but I am not talking about any of it. I just try to do it unilaterally for now. There is too much personal anxiety in her life right now to pay attention to anything else.